For those who don’t know, I was raised Roman Catholic. By the way, have you met our new pope? He’s very nice. He apparently doesn’t hate gay people, washes peoples feet, and doesn’t dress like a 70s pimp like the last pope did. Anyhoo today, or yesterday, I don’t fucking know, is/was Rosh Shonananana, one of the High Holidays of God’s chosen people, the Jews. If anyone from the New York Metropolitan area has been wondering why there’s no traffic, this is why. A lot of you out there, specifically my readers outside of the New York Metropolitan area, probably have no fucking idea what I’m talking about. Let me explain.
You see Jewish people are a group of people who follow the Jewish faith. Judaism, as it’s known, was the first of what’s known as the Abrahamic religions, which include Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Woah there! Put the gun down Bubba, that doesn’t mean Jews are Muslim, silly. It just means that Islam is based on Judaism, kind of like how the Old Testament of the Bible is based on the Jewish Torah. Now that you’re caught up on the last 5000 something years of theology lets get into the High Holiday of Rosh Shonananana.
Rosh Shonananana is basically the first of what’s known as the Jewish High Holidays. During these Holidays, which also include Yom Kiper, Jewish people ask God for forgiveness for all the bad stuff they did throughout the year. Rosh Shonananana, specifically, is the Jewish New Year. Yes, just like the Chinese, they get two new yearses, but theirs is based on the Lunar calendar which basically means that no ones knows when the holiday actually is until their grandmother passive aggressively reminds them. Because Jewish people have been around for like, ever, this is their year 5700 something or other. Traditional Rosh Shonananana traditions include eating apples for some reason, getting two days off from school, playing some horn made of animal parts, going home before sundown, and complaining about having to go to temple.
Well that’s about all there is to know about Rosh Shonananana. If any of you would like to know more about Judaism please refer to anything said by Woody Allen ever.
Peace and Love,