Russia Denies U.S. Olympic Team Their Greek Yogurt. Heads Explode.

No really, thats a real thing that’s happening right now (or in the past if you’re reading this FROM THE FUUUUUUTURE!!!!)  Russian customs in Newark international airport is blocking a shipment of Chobani Low Fat Greek Yogurt intended for the American Olympic team from leaving the United States.

As a Greek myself, and daily eater of Chobani Low Fat Greek Yogurt, I can attest to its deliciousness, and my bowels can attest to it’s nutritiousness.  It really is a great breakfast, it has no fat, tastes great, will fill you up all day, and doesn’t advertise itself by referencing John Stamos’ man splooge (I’m looking at you Dannon.)

But yeah, this is like a serious thing, on the news.  No shit, go to the news right now.  Go, go talk to the news.  I’ll wait…….. See? It’s like a real fucking thing.  Yogurt, news.  

Even New York Senator Chuck Schumer (Who would’ve thought I’d be writing about him again?) has made comments on the matter.  Real comments, on yogurt.  No joke.  A senator is coming to the rescue for yogurt.  Here’s a real life quote from real life Senator Chuck Schumer.

“Chobani yogurt is safe, nutritious and delicious and the Russian authorities should get past ‘nyet’ and let this prime sponsor of the US Olympic Team deliver their protein-packed food to our athletes,”

That was a real life quote, from a real life United States Senator, talking about yogurt.  Motherfucker can’t pass a bill to save his life, but here he is, for reals, talking about Chobani Low Fat Greek Yogurt.

Russia, the country, is holding up yogurt, the food, in an airport, and it’s headline fuck news.  Kinda makes you miss the cold war doesn’t it.

 *LOLJK The cold war was over by the time either of us were born.  USA! USA!*

 Peace and Greek Yogurt,

Simon Levit

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