It’s Better To Be Single On Valentine’s Day

So, Friday is Valentine’s day.  The one day a year where it’s actually better to be single.  Yeah I said it.  It’s better to be single on Valentine’s day. Don’t feel bad about it.  Don’t go crying in your room watching Netflix and eating ice cream because you’re lonely.  Go do something with all that money you saved not buying a 6-food stuffed Giraffe.

“But, but, but, but what about love?”  Psh, love.  Please, if you were so worried about love then you wouldn’t care about Velentine’s in the first place.  Valentine’s has nothing to do with love.  You know it, I know it.  All Valentine’s is about is candy.  It’s Halloween without the slutyness.  Just go buy your own candy and watch some porn.

“Don’t be cheap asshole”  Woah, woah, woah.  I never said you shouldn’t spend money on your signifiant other.  I’m just saying that it’s dumb to do it because of a holiday and that you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself because some dumb made up holiday says you need to be in a relationship and spending money/receiving gifts.

“Ma dude, My girl gives me mad BJs on Valentine’s day.”  Hey, this is a post for single people, why are you even telling us this?  And besides, the two of you should be oraling it up all year long.  Why are you only doing it once a year?  If she doesn’t like doing it then she should never do it, she shouldn’t be guilted into it because it’s Valentine’s.  (You’re welcome ladies)“You’re just bitter because you’re single.”  Haha, that’s where you’re wrong my friend.  As a matter of fact, I’m single because I’m bitter.

Peace, Love, and Stupid Holidays,

Simon Levit

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