Twenty-something’s Like Toby, You’re Probably Alone for a Reason (but you’re fine the way you are)

People say to live it up in your twenties.  They’re right. Now don’t mistake my saying that as an attack on Toby’s correctness. If you want to follow her advice you should, even better if you don’t care that I think you’re wrong.  Everything she said is true; we’re young, fit, free and all that, which is exactly why you’re wasting the goldenest of opportunities if you don’t capitalize on all of the options and freedoms that come along with youth.  Most of you probably plan on careers, marriage, stability, and the like, which is fine if it’s what you want but all the more reason to embrace the instability and the crazy while you still can.

For example, Toby’s number one piece of advice would be to never miss the 2 forty-whatever train back from Penn to Long Island.  I wouldn’t claim that it’s the top piece of advice in my repertoire (that would be don’t feed the mogwai after midnight), but I would suggest that you always miss that train when you can afford to.  Don’t blow off some important crap you have to do Sunday morning (which is ridiculous because there’s never anything that has to be done Sunday morning that can’t be done Sunday afternoon) but if it doesn’t matter when you get back, keep the night going. I’ve never thought “damn, I really should have gotten home earlier from the city. It was so boring and sucha waste of my time, and I got way too hammered” on a night when I took a 4:53. And make sure you go hard on a weeknight at some point. If you’re reading this and think “oh that’s just soo irresponsible” then you’re probably a lost cause.  Just remember, Thirsty Thursdays are a thing for a reason.

Sure, Hollywood might create some unreasonable expectations when it comes to youth.  Unfortunately I’ve never been to a dorm party like in the beginning of Transformers 2, nor a house party like Superbad, and sadly not even a sweaty, half naked rager like in the Matrix Reloaded, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t aspire to these ideals as a species.  If you’re hot and want to dress slutty, go for it (but seriously, only if you’re hot); If you want to stay up all night then I’ll be glad to point east for you if you’re too drunk to realize it’s suddenly light out (it just happens so fast); and if you want to rage in a club, go for it.  Don’t regret shit because it’s silly; people don’t think about you nearly as much as you think they do so you shouldn’t give a crap about the harmless, stupid, drunk thing you did.  I know I can’t afford to.

This lifestyle isn’t for everyone, which is probably a good thing.  We need our Toby’s the same way we need mechanics: they may not be with you for the ride but you hope they’ll be there when your transmission blows (apply that to appropriate bodily function).

I’m not sure about the love thing at the end, and I’m not judging Team Toby, but seriously, go live while you’re still alive.

(P.S. this response borders on too mature and preachy for my blood)

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2 thoughts on “Twenty-something’s Like Toby, You’re Probably Alone for a Reason (but you’re fine the way you are)

  1. Pingback: A (Post-)postmodern Primer on My Potential Future Publications | Kram Comedy Speaks

  2. Having been there, done that, your body tolerates a little less seriousness and a lot more fun when you’re 20 something. However, if you can answer these 3 questions with a yes, it’s best to avoid the activity altogether:
    1. Does this person have the potential to give me AIDS?
    2. Do I have a great than 50% of dying if I try this?
    3. Will repeated performances of this activity result in the use of a walker by the time I’m 50?

    Aside from the obvious fact that I have (so far) successfully avoided #2, Somehow, I managed to avoid the other ones for reasons that escape me.

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