Mark Zuckerberg really hit the jackpot when he thought up Facebook. He played into basic human nature and created a social networking site where people can secretly indulge their curiosity and publicly share their triumphs, failures and complaints with the world.
People are naturally attracted to this site for many reasons. Some use it as a more sophisticated Myspace, where they can post sexy pictures and receive “likes” and compliments to feed their already too large ego. If you’re one of those people – ENOUGH! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY ENOUGH! Invest in an Instagram account for that shit. That way when you hashtag a million words it will mean something instead of “number sign im obsessed with myself” (this is an actual hashtag…really, people?) That way, the rest of Instagram that also is obsessed with themselves can click on that hashtag and “like” your picture and continue the very vain cycle.
Or maybe you use Facebook like me, to creepily stalk people and learn about their lives through status updates. It’s genius! I just have to be careful if I see these people again to avoid bringing up news I’ve seen through Facebook. It’s awkward to explain how you know all about someone’s new boyfriend when you haven’t spoken to them in six years…
But maybe you actually use it to social network and promote business or events or to keep in touch with family and friends (creeping on these people doesn’t count). If so, good for you! I’m sure that’s not the only reason you’re on Facebook but at least you’re not totally missing the concept.
About ten months ago, one of my close friends deactivated her Facebook account, at the time only temporarily saying goodbye. It was around September when all her teacher friends began posting how awesome employed life was and then immediately complaining about how stressed they were. My sympathies for joining the real world. (Side note: it’s not only teachers that are guilty of this…it’s situational. I didn’t forget about everyone else). She was becoming depressed and saddened by all these awful happy people determined to share every possible thought and feeling about how it sucks to be successful. After a few months without Facebook, she cheered up about her situation and realized Facebook was unnecessary. She physically talks to the people she cares about and somehow still knows everything about everyone else! Honestly, it’s an amazing gift. She doesn’t need Facebook to stay in touch with people – imagine that! It’s a crazy concept, but she gets by without updating her newsfeed every 5 seconds hoping someone posted something new to read. I’m not sure what she does instead, but it’s probably less desperate. She even convinced our other friend to kick the habit and quit too! What is the world coming to?! She’s just starting out so her road may not be as easy, and I don’t believe a 12 step program has been developed yet, but I’m intrigued to see how she does.
As long as this phase doesn’t go viral, I don’t see Facebook disappearing any time soon, but will it really be around for generations? Will our grandchildren be able to name Mark Zuckerburg over historical figures? Maybe we should say goodbye to the ole social media site and regain our privacy we so desperately seek. People, you can’t complain about lack of privacy and then post your life problems on the internet. Don’t write a status cryptically hating on your boyfriend or one specifically telling people not to talk to you and then expect your “friends” to actually leave you alone. Someone will ask what’s wrong. It’s science. And if no one shows interest in your life you’ll be sad and feel neglected. Odds are if it’s on Facebook you’re looking for attention. Take it. Be shameless. You don’t post pictures of yourself without the hope of people “liking” them just the same as I don’t post statuses just to share my thoughts and feelings. And if I look banging in a picture you better believe I want that one on Facebook. Basically I’m saying, in the words of Ron Burgundy “Hey everyone, come see how good I look!”
But seriously, come see how good I look…
After you’ve admired my gorgeous Jew face, please let me know what your thoughts are on Facebook. What’s your love/hate relationship like? Have you quit the site and now feel lighter? Are you afraid if you deactivate your account Mark Zuckerberg will find you in your sleep? Leave a comment or tweet me at @tobyjaye19 and let me know!