A Much Desired Review Of The Movie Epic

This weekend I had the pleasure of seeing Epic (this repetition of the title was probably unnecessary but I’m trying to introduce my review), a computer animated, family friendly film about a teenage girl who helps save a tiny advanced civilization that lives in the forest as well as the forest itself. Who wouldn’t want to spend money to see this? Pretty sure it’s up there with spending money on groceries, life insurance and mortgage. If you’re not even positive you’ve heard of this movie, you’re not alone. I think I saw a vague preview in theaters a few months ago. It was literally a clip of nonsense and then the title. Informative. Really giving us a lot to go on, Blue Sky. Actually, this movie may even be kind of old. But time moves slow here in South Dakota, so it’s basically like the premier. Where was the cast? They should have been at the grand opening of their movie! Good thing I didn’t get that red carpet steamed. Bitches. Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t stay mad at these guys.

Reintroducing:
Amanda Seyfried – Mean Girls: as far as I’m concerned, her only role. She will always be Karen.
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Josh Hutcherson – The Hunger Games: Peeta Mellark. The boy with the bread. The love of my life.
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Christoph Waltz – No idea. Had to IMDB him…and then didn’t because I didn’t  care.
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Jason Sudeikis – SNL Cast member. If you don’t know him. You should.
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Colin Farrell – Gladiator: Australian. Makes the character in the movie even hotter. Must see if you’re into older guys that aren’t real!
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Steven Tyler – Lead singer for Aerosmith. Or his other gig, American Idol. Or his other gig, Liv Tyler’s father.
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Be-yo-nce Knowles – If you don’t know what this woman has done you don’t deserve to.
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Pitbull – Sings in Spanish a lot. Literally has the smallest part in the movie. But still worth mentioning. His songs are catchy.
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wait…sorry

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Aziz Ansari – Tiny Indian guy. High voice. Hilarious. Currently on Parks and Recreation. You’ll know him if you see him.220px-Aziz_Ansari_2012_Shankbone

Chris O’Dowd – Bridesmaids: Rhodes, Kristen Wiig’s love interest. Probably the funniest man in movies right now. And he’s Irish. Chris O’Dowd, this is pretty much my wedding proposal.
Chris O'Dowd At Jameson Done In 60 Seconds Media Day

You know those last two are going to live up to the move title…
…and be “epic”, incase that wasn’t clear.

DISCLAIMER: There will be spoilers. Avert your eyes from everything after the word “spoiler”. Starting now.

My goal here isn’t to give a synopsis, but to share my opinion…as most blogs are dedicated to, and because you, the reader, are dying to pick my brain about modern cinema.

Let me start off by saying Beyonce can do no wrong. Until now. Sorry, Bey, I didn’t  believe you were the queen of the forest. Sadly, her voice acting was subpar. It was relatively cheesy and sounded as if she was reading from a story book, lacking true emotion. Oy. But don’t worry, not all of it was terrible…she dies. Spoiler! Shoot, I did that wrong. I’ll get it next time. Everyone else had me believing they were either real people, little leafmen or weird, boggy buggy things (that is the scientific term).

The absolute best two characters were easily Mub and Grub, voiced by Aziz Ansari and Chris O’Dowd, respectively. For those unfamiliar with the movie, they’re a slug and a snail, respectively. And one hits on the lead and one wants to be a soldier, respectively. Spoiler?

And by the way, who is Blue Sky? We’ve got Pixar, sure, Dreamworks, okay…but Blue Sky? Ahh okay, just looked up Blue Sky Studios. They’ve put out 7 other computer animated hits such as Ice Age 1-4 (yes, there are/will be 4?), Rio (the parrot movie…not Paulie), Robots (two well-oiled thumbs up) and Horton Hears A Who (aside from a weirdly placed anime scene, I loved it). Solid work, Blue Sky. One word of advice, enough with the Ice Age movies. Make more like Epic. But cast unknowns in your next feature film…like me.

If you’re still reading this, I appreciate the dedication. You may actually be interested in the movie itself. Go see it! It’s a real riot! Uh, the good kind, without fire and pitch forks. Please don’t bring those to the movie theater.

EPIC.

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One thought on “A Much Desired Review Of The Movie Epic

  1. Pingback: Puppies!! | from bugs to bison

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