Some Insight Into Why Nice Guys Finish Last

The past two posts have been centered around women, so now it’s time for one about men. Specifically, guys that use their “niceness” as an excuse, this one’s for you.

I just want to clear something up. There’s a misleading rumor going around that women prefer assholes. Not actual assholes for all you literals out there, I mean men that act rude, cocky and ignorant. You wanna know who started this rumor? The so-called “nice guys who finish last”. Wah. Well, nice guys, the reason you finish last isn’t because you’re less attractive or because you refrain from asshole tendencies, so stop falling back on that. We get it. You get picked on by the asshole. You don’t have to be him to attract attention. You just have to gain some of his qualities.

The cocky guys have confidence. Nothing is more attractive than confidence. Except a hot guy holding a puppy. But if you don’t have a puppy, a six pack and killer smile help too, but really confidence is the base coat. As a “nice” guy, you try to be respectful of the woman. Or maybe that’s assuming too much. Maybe you just want her to make the first move because you refuse to. Listen, if you like a girl, think she’s cute, go talk to her! Let her see you be nice and confident! If you’re not an asshole and have confidence she’ll at least talk to you out of kindness. Unless she’s a bitch. Some girls just dig the asshole vibe. Some. And those we can’t help.

Assholes also happen to be funny. An asshole usually targets undeserving individuals making their humor desperate. But if you’re that “nice” guy and genuinely funny – go make her laugh! Don’t stoop to asshole levels and call out somebody for being overweight or how they dress. That just screams “insecurity! red flag”. We count those red flags. Too many and you’re bombed! …like in Minesweeper. That game gives me anxiety. Funny funny beats mean funny. Trust me, I’m getting my Master’s.

Also, this may come as a surprise, but assholes aren’t pushovers. You’re not going to cut this guy in line and live to tell the tale! But that “nice” guy is just going to sit there and whine about it or quietly sulk or wish for that strength on the evening star. Sorry, kid, no Jiminy Cricket here. Everyone needs to learn to stand up for themselves and if you want to stop being the “nice” guy, it’s time you grew a pair and attach them to your dick. Too harsh? Deal with it.

I’m not praising this asshole trait, but the opposite really just annoys the shit out of girls. Assholes pay less attention to girls they’re attracted to, which entices the girl to try harder. You “nice” guys suffocate the girl without even realizing it. “Oh, I was so attentive and cared about her and always talked to her and asked her how she was doing”…cool it, bro. You just scared her. Or annoyed her. Give her space, “nice” guy. She wants it. If she’s needy you’ve found your match. If she’s not, she’s more normal and a keeper. Sorry, ladies, but independence is healthy, separation from your significant other is healthy. There will probably be a post detailing the effects of “clingyness” (sp), but we’ll focus on those “nice” guys first. They need more help. They’re not in a relationship.

And finally, STOP POSTING WHINY STATUSES ON FACEBOOK! Seeing this kills me. Do you think some girl that you randomly friended is going to proclaim her love for you after you post “wahh no one likes me, why can’t a girl just appreciate when she’s got a good thing”. I’ll appreciate you – commented no one ever. Odds are the only girls that bother to comment have already firmly placed you in the friends zone. Public whining about not being in a relationship is a huge turnoff. You’re advertising your neediness and desperation. Desperation isn’t a good look for anyone. Not even Beyonce can pull that off. You know who you are. I’m looking at you, (fill in name here), so stop it, you’re embarrassing yourself. Also, don’t post about anything Gino mentions here, either. In all honesty, keep those updates to a minimum. You’ll be mysterious. And not a little bitch, err excuse me…”nice” guy.

Now be all of these things including yourself! You can still be that great guy without being a pathetic “nice” guy. You’re already not an asshole so you’ve got that going for ya. Once you lose that grey cloud pissing rain on your love life you can become the happy, fun guy the ladies want. You’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Yeah, chew on that.

From now on, I am begging you to stop using the phrase “nice guys finish last”. Erase it from your vocabulary. I like nice guys. I like funny, nice guys. I like funny, nice, Jewish, athletic, intelligent guys that like to travel but also enjoy quality couch time. The top two are the most important. However, if I just described you, the reader, call me, e-mail me, shout my name at the top of a mountain, etc…Anyway, time to man-up and take responsibility for your own actions.

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One thought on “Some Insight Into Why Nice Guys Finish Last

  1. Pingback: Verbal Dumping Ground | anonymous real thoughts

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