You’re Being an Ass Society, and Not the Good Kind

It seems like our standards have really lowered as a society.  I’m actually not talking about sexual standards right now.  Those have always been low for some.  I’m talking about normal human decency standards, general manners and the like.  Now I’m not saying people need to be all lovey-dovey kumbaya (that’s probably worse than normal human shittiness) but from what I’ve  observed as of late things are really getting out of hand.

For example, the other day I went to my local Subway restaurant for a delicious lunch.  There was only one kid behind the conveyor belt, I mean counter, and there was one guy ahead of me who was currently ordering.  He was ordering something fairly elaborate as far as Subway is concerned and was getting it toasted like an asshole (the trait, not the anatomical part) so it took a little while.  When the person in front of me finally got his toasty sub and left the Sandwich Artist came down to me and apologized profusely. It was a ridiculous apology.  I thought he was saying sorry for the huge loogie he was about to rocket into my sandwich while I looked away. Seriously, I didn’t get that kind of apology from lady-friends in the past who blew other dudes while we were together so to say the least I was curious as to why he was so contrite.

He said he was sorry I had to wait so long and explained that he was the only one working besides his manager, who was usually busy jerking it in the back (my words, not his, unfortunately).  I told him I fully understood but had to ask why he was so over the top with the apology for maybe, five, six minutes of waiting.  Apparently the customers that frequent that particular establishment aren’t the most understanding or patient and will get pretty nasty when they have to wait or if there are mistakes, even if there’s only one artist in the shop.  This doesn’t surprise me but what does it have to do with our person to person standards? The guy who worked at Subway was as equally gracious that I was understanding, which goes to the point that I’m trying to make.

Why the fuck should I be applauded for displaying some common courtesy or normal decency?  Are things really that crazy in your life that you can’t exercise the requisite civility in a normal person to person interaction? People should never be lauded because they do things that everyone should naturally do.  Everyone shits, therefore nobody should be praised for being able to shit or because of the result of their shit.  Except if you have blood in there.  I won’t applaud you but you should see a doctor, or at least Web MD it to confirm you have cancer.

Anyway it doesn’t surprise but dismays me that the dude at Subway thanks me for my understanding when the only shit I had to understand was five minutes of patience. I had to endure five minutes of waiting before I got my factory produced sub, that’s it.  I think that everyone should be able to wait TEN fucking minutes for their Chicken Bacon Ranch footlong before they freak the fuck out on the only dude working.  It really shouldn’t be that hard.  Are your kids gonna die if you don’t get that sandwich in less than six minutes? Tough tits dude, shoulda picked up McDonald’s. But you’re trying to eat healthy? No problem, you’ll have a lot more money since you have no more kids.  Go to Trader Joe’s.

All I’m trying to say here is that the minimum decency shouldn’t be treated as if it’s saint-like behavior.  Sure, people should be appreciative of the things you do for them and all that but you don’t have to act like I just sucked your dongle bone dry after all I’ve done is hold the door open for you at Kohl’s.  This means a lot coming from me if you know me, considering I at many times loathe the formalities of standard human interaction, but enough is enough.  People shouldn’t become a nuisance for recognizing decency but that’s what it’s come to.  It’s all our faults so go out and be nice to someone.  No one likes you when your dick is showing.

Corey Aaron

One thought on “You’re Being an Ass Society, and Not the Good Kind

  1. Pingback: The Pitfalls of the Singular Bathroom Stall (or My Fun Toilet Adventures) | Kram Comedy Speaks

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