Sandra Lee, Leave Hannukah Alone

Last night, I was introduced to the show Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee on the Food Network. I was shown a clip from one of the episodes focusing on creating holiday cakes from store bought bundt cakes, frosting and random goodies that have nothing to do with the holiday. The clip of choice was Sandra Lee decorating a cake for Hannukah. Take a look…

You know what made it a Hannukah cake? The fact that it was blue and decorated with a shitty 6-pointed star. That was literally the only way this could have possibly been chosen for Hannukah. Who’s brilliant idea was that? Did the producers realize the show needed to be representative of all religions so they threw together this disaster? And pearls? Why pearls? Find that in the props closet and think that was a good idea? Also, thank you for pointing out they are not edible. That would be a travesty, all those Jewish people making this cake with fake pearls choking on what they thought was food. She must feel like she saved a lot of Jews with that piece of advice.

I’m also glad she so carefully demonstrated how to clean the cake plate with a damp paper towel. She clearly instructed “bakers” to begin at the side furthest from your face and gently clear away the frosting, leaving streaks on the cake plate. I’ll be sure to follow those instructions exactly the next time I get too excited frosting my store bought bundt cake.

What was particularly comical was the need to stuff marshmallows in the middle of a bundt cake. When you cut that cake, who is going to get those? Hmmm? No one, because they’ll just stay there SINCE THERE’S A WHOLE IN THE MIDDLE FOR A REASON! You wanna know the best part though? Those marshmallows aren’t even kosher!! I sincerely doubt that her team of experts searched the store for kosher marshmallows. I bet she has no idea what the K or U stands for. Come on, Sandra Lee. Get your shit together.

And now to the creation of the “Star of David”. I use quotation marks because simply folding pearls connected with wire into a six-pointed star does not make the cake more Jewish. You know what would have been more effective? Maybe drawing a Star of David with frosting onto the actual cake. That way people don’t stare at it in disgust and wonder what hate crime you’re committing. Why not affix a menorah onto the cake? You can stake it right through those marshmallows in the center. That would be way more Hannukah-esque. She basically slapped that together and made a cake for Jews, not for a specific holiday. Nothing about that cake says “Happy Hannukah!”. If any Jew ever actually  replicated this cake, they should probably be shunned and forced to make special repentance on Yom Kippur.

If you’re bored and have time you should read the comments section. They’re even better than the actual video. Here are some:

“Haven’t the Jewish People suffered enough?”

“THE JEWS SURVIVED THE HOLOCAUST ONLY TO DIE FROM EATING THIS CAKE!!!!!!!”

“Toothpaste blue. It looks like it’s coated in toothpaste”

“Yes, let’s color our cake so it matches our decor. Who needs taste?”

“something tells me she doesn’t have a lot of Jewish friends”

And those are just a few. If you enjoyed this video of Sandra Lee destroying Hannukah, there’s another one of her making a brown cake for Kwanzaa. It’s just as offensive and just as stupid. For example: she flavors vanilla frosting…with vanilla.

You’re welcome.

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