So I’ve realized what our problem is. Let’s face it, we’ve got a ton of problems but I’ve recently figured out one of them, and it’s that we have way too many god damn choices and options. I suppose I can’t put all of the blame on the choices, since what we’re really suffering from is choice fatigue.
Now I don’t know if I’ve invented this idea or heard about it, doesn’t matter, but what I do know is that people are paralyzed because there’s just too much shit they can do. Think about it right now for a second. Maybe you already have plans this Saturday night or maybe you’re still waiting for your most good friend to feed you plans but either way there’s just a ton of shit you’re able to do. Just take the things that you’re reasonably able to do, like maybe go to the neighborhood bar, catch a bus or train to the city, go to the lake, beach, woods, or whatever natural shit is near you. And those are just a couple superficial ideas; the possibilities are almost endless if you’ve got a few dollars in your pocket and a way to get there.
Now I’m not really talking about the people whose fates are sealed. If a year ago you decided to bang that troll of a waitress in the alley behind Denny’s and decided not to wrap your junk because “what are the chances? Plus she might not be this drunk when I come back for my next Grand Slam tomorrow” and now you have a three month bundle of crushed dreams then I’m sorry, you’re pretty much donezo in the options department and I’m not really talking to you. Hopefully you’re able to appreciate this while you clean some spit off of your $9 shirt with the sharp stench of regret in the air.
If you’re not one of these people then you have so many fucking things you could do right now. And it sucks. You spend all day making these little, nauseating decisions so by the end you’re like “fuck it, I’ll sit home and drink scotch while watching Princesses Long Island” or something like that. Just think about going out for lunch or dinner. That conversation always starts with “so where the fuck should we go guys?” And you almost always end up back at one of the like eight places that your normally go to, even though there’s no dearth of different places you can go to.
So nobody has any fucking clue about where to eat (I try to employ the “pick from five” game, which I’ll explain to you if you want) so you end up at somewhere like McDonald’s or Taco Bell, because at this point you’re just starving so it’s an easy and cheap option. Then once you get there you have to pick from like 12 different burgers, 6 different chicken sandwiches, not to mention nuggets, drinks, ice cream, and salads. McDonald’s has fucking salads now. But you don’t get that because you’re at McDonald’s and a fatass. The bottom line is that even though you’ve made the easiest decision of the day now you gotta make another, and another, until your eating your McGangbang and large fries in the passenger seat of your friend’s Lancer questioning every decision you’ve made in your life.
You might be sitting there thinking “if this dick’s tired of choices then I hope he gets no choices,” or “fuck this freedom hating faggot” (your words, not mine) or whatever and I’m not really ragging on all of these great things we have at our finger tips. Well I guess I am, but I understand that any other generation of people from any time would kill to have all of the options that we do. You take a family of 19th century pioneers and give them all the shit we can do now and they’d be ecstatic. Please, the idea of being able to pick up a fucking roasted chicken from 17 different supermarkets and 27 different restaurants and fast food places in a 10 mile radius looks pretty fucking awesome when your only real option in life is to trek out into this vast wilderness in an attempt to get a small plot of land in this vague place called “California” just hoping that little Timmy doesn’t get dysentery along the way or that you lose sister Margaret to an unfortunate broken-axle accident.
No, I’m not really bitching about all of these things because I understand how great everything is, but someone once said something along the lines of too much of a good thing being a bad thing and it’s clear to me the we have too many fucking choices: channels, food, clothes, friends, places, entertainment, porn, sides at KFC, whatever. These choices are paralyzing and lead to some hard-core decision fatigue. What should you do about it? Beats the fuck out of me. If you’re overwhelmed by all of this then do the easy thing and stay home because why not? It’s easy. You can try to do something different but that’s too hard so my money is on us doing the same shit we’ve always done. Enjoy your Saturday and rock on.