What Women Want: Passion (Thanks Christian Grey)

Yesterday, Simon graced the blog with a post about porn, how men watch it, what they expect from women and how women should cope. If you happened to miss this gem, you can read it here. Basically, the more porn men watch the more unrealistic their expectations from their woman. Ladies can either request their man stop rotting their brain with porn (hotly debated) and therefore increase the sex between them or ladies can comply with the men’s requests for unique sexcapades involving a very well thought out plot from their latest indulgence.

But what about women? What about our sexual fantasies? Everyone’s got one. The classics are the hot plumber, hot fireman, hot pizza delivery guy. Yes, all these men are hot and are either fixing things, saving us or bringing us food. We appreciate food just as much as the next guy, especially a good pizza and ice cream.

In 2011, 50 Shades of Grey began filling the romance section in your local Barnes and Noble. Last year, it became a best seller and an obsession between women of all ages and, even dare I say, some men (could be true). If men were ever worried about performing for their woman, after this book they should be. Christian Grey is a beautifully formed human, radiating confidence, masculinity and perfection. Already women have higher standards. Now add an unusual fetish with S&M and you’ve got yourself a fantasy many men can’t live up to.

What women really want is the passion mixed in with all the whipping and beating. Maybe a good spanking once in a while for those interested in testing the waters, but that’s not really what women want (unless it is). They want the heat generated from two people madly in love. Well, okay, love might be pushing it. Passion. Women just want passion. If you’re trying to get your girl to do some sort of physical activity specific to your needs, she’s going to expect something in return. You better emote the fuck out of that scenario and really lay the love on her. If I don’t feel it, I’m not in it and then it’s so far from enjoyable it’s like folding a fitted sheet, no one wants to do it and when you do it’s going to be bad.

So men, if you see your woman reading 50 Shades be prepared to deliver. You’re going up against a wealthy, successful business man with an entire room devoted to dominating his subordinate. Do you have that? Dear God, I hope not. The least you can do is indulge your girl and act manly in bed. Take control, ravage her to the point that she needs to use the safe word you guys never came up with because you never thought this much passion was possible! She’ll thank you in the morning. Unless you got her pregnant. But if you trying, then congratulations! You should name your kid after the reason you were so passionate – Toby – because you just read this blog. Let’s be real, the world could use more Tobys.

Toby

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