Today I’m going to my first ever country concert. Being a fan of country for over 4 years, I’m embarrassed to say that I’m only going to my first concert now. I missed some kickass opportunities last summer like my boy Brad Paisley, but I’m trying to make up for it in South Dakota, you know, a place where they have actual rodeos and ride bareback. Come on, Long Island, cowboy up.
I’m kicking off the summer country concert tour of two with Kip Moore followed by Toby Keith in two weeks. I’m a huge Kip Moore fan, mainly of his three songs I’ve heard on the radio. It also helps that he’s an attractive cowboy. But let’s be real, how many male young country singers aren’t smokin’? That’s right, not that many. As for Toby Keith, one of his songs actually helped me fall in love with country music. His concert means a lot to me. The fact that we have the same name is just an added bonus…a 500 point bonus!
Since this is my first country concert, I’m going to predict three kind of people I’m going to witness.
1. Slutty Cowgirl
This is a given. I’m mentally preparing to see Daisy Duke cut shorts riding up their vag and exposing just the bottom half of their ass. The shorts will be classily paird with a plaid button-down tied in the front so their skinny little midsection peeks through. Don’t forget to finish off the outfit with cowboy boots of all shapes and colors. I promise you there will be at least one hot pink pair and I will capture it on film AKA my iPhone. These girls will also have perfect that creates the most unflattering form of jealousy in girls such as myself. Why can’t my hair just be beautiful all the time? Either way, I’m going to envy these girls. Not really the slutty part, but the fact that they own their sluttiness.
2. Rowdy Cowboy
I’m excited to scope out these handsome specimens. Easily spotted by their cowboy hats, boot cut jeans and cowboy boots poking from under the cuff, these guys are generally fit, strong-jawed and absolutely adorable. If any of these guys decided to rope me up like a cattle I wouldn’t object. These guys are at the concert to party and have a good time and let loose. My favorite kind of cowboy. I will most likely not talk to any of them, but if I do I cannot suppress the flirt. My googling eyes have a mind of their own.
3. Drunk Redneck
These hooligans will most likely be more common at the Toby Keith concert, but they’ll probably be a few in attendance at Kip Moore. Rocking a cut-off tee, too tight jeans and some sort of facial hair, the drunk rednecks are the most entertaining and repulsive at the same time. I’ll be careful to keep my distance. Unless they’re funny. Funny and like to dance. You’ll be able to spot this person by the constant beer in their hand and wobble in their step. Odds are they’ll be shouting some incoherent slur that you’ll ignore. Part of me can’t wait to see what they’re like in real life.
Unfortunately, these are all the stereotypes I could come up with. Not going to a concert yet has really limited my knowledge of classic country concert goers. Have you ever encountered these people or someone completely different? Let us know! Comment below or tweet me your experience @tobyjaye19.
I’ll leave you with an awesome Kip Moore song. You’re welcome.