Nutella: Hazelnut’s Gift To Mankind

The introduction of Nutella is the best thing to happen to me since my birth. I feel it’s important to share my undying devotion to the hazelnut spread in a post that will hopefully increase its popularity. I can be the personal spokesperson for Nutella. All you need to know as a consumer is that it’s amazing. Boom. You gonna buy it? You should.

In college, we used to grab as many Nutella packets as we could before leaving the dining hall. We’d also grab a loaf of bread on the way out, but that’s neither here nor there…#rebellious. Those packets were heaven when you wanted a little snack. Literally, a little snack because those packets were the size of the jelly packets you find at diners. Put Nutella out, people! College was my first experience with my favorite thing in the world. It’s a crime that it took that long. If you are in your twenties and have never tasted Nutella, I demand you go out and buy a jar and experience the best taste bud orgasm you’ll ever have.

If you’re a mom concerned about its healthiness, fughetaboutit. Seriously, forget about it. This is the spread you use to get your children to eat healthy. It in itself is smooth, chocolatey goodness that you spread on disgusting toast in the morning. Let your child slather Nutella all over their fruit and I guarantee they’ll eat more bananas, strawberries, cherries…pretty much anything that you would dip in chocolate. I can no longer simply peel a banana and eat it plain. Without Nutella it becomes a bland choice. Boo! You want to feed your child tasteless crackers? One, you’re the devil, and two, add Nutella and become less of the devil. Trust me, they’ll begin to idolize you if you stock your cabinets with this delicious treat.

I make sure there is always Nutella available in my house. I may live with my parents, but they can’t stop me from eating right from the jar! I’m an adult. They also can’t stop me from licking the knife! Psh, I’d cut my tongue on a butter knife if it was in the name of Nutella. I’d do a lot of things in the name of Nutella. I said a lot, not anything. Sexual favors aside, I’d take about any dare for a jar. No, I take that back. I wouldn’t really do any dare. I hate dares. That’s why I always pick truth (hint for people who play ‘truth or dare’ with me).

I may not do anything for a jar of Nutella but I’ll defend it to the death! There’s a Friends episode where Joey, Ross and Chandler are riding in the back of a cop car with Phoebe’s boyfriend and a car backfires and Joey thinks it’s a gun being shot so he reaches over Ross to protect his sandwich. Yeah, that’s me, only it’d be Nutella.

I’m so protective over it that I am incredibly selective at how often I make my nationally known Nutella cookies. This requires one entire cup of Nutella. That’s practically all of it!! I only make these cookies on special occasions, or if I have Nutella to spare, and let’s be honest, I never have Nutella to spare.

Everyone has a food or treat like this that they treasure. For me, it’s Nutella and rainbow cookies. Do NOT touch my rainbow cookies without permission. That’s almost as bad as consuming any of my Nutella. Even my husband will need to ask permission. Hell, I get mad when my mom eats them when she’s the one that buys them. I know, it’s crazy, but those are my goodies! Yikes, I’m getting heated just thinking about someone stealing my food. And I’m hungry. Classic!

What foods are you possessive or obsessed with? If it’s Nutella we’re twins! But you still can’t have any of mine! I’m a selfish twin.

Toby

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