Advice Every College Freshman Needs To Hear

It’s that time of year again when high school graduates enter begin their college experience and are one step closer to dreaded adulthood. It’s also that time of year when college graduates become depressed because they are not returning to college but desperately wish they could. For example:

@smellykelly13: Missing Oswego livin’ these days @akr314 @tobyjaye19 @akh5489 #naptime #thesting #mugnight #Rhonda #popcornm&ms

I have fond memories of freshman year at the lovely Oswego State University, quite possibly the best SUNY school in the system, although my opinion is extremely biased. I was lucky enough to go to college with a childhood friend (hey, Kel!), so adjusting to living away from home wasn’t as difficult as it is for some. But for those who are going away for the first time and are alone, I’ve got some helpful tips to help you not only survive, but love, the first year of college.

1. Join a club or a sports team…Greek life counts too. 
You want a fast way to make friends that have the same interests as you? This is the way to do it. Playing a sport, either varsity, club or intramural, is a great way to meet people and see them on a regular basis. Varsity sports have try-outs which force you to spend at least a week with the same group of people and I promise you, unless you’re completely anti-social, you will make friends. Clubs have the same effect. You like the environment? Join a club that volunteers and cleans local parks. Enjoy school politics? Join SA! Make a difference! Be all you can be! And you’ll make friends. Which is the real goal of college…not just to graduate. You know all those memories you made with your high school friends? Yeah, your college friend memories will be crazier. Now, as for Greek life, I am not Greek, did not join a sorority, but I know people that have and they loved it. Mostly. If you seriously want to be Greek, you will get…eh, “hazed” is a dangerous word, but you’re going to have to work for your friends. But after that you guys have that bond that you did unthinkable things together that will probably never be spoken aloud again.

2. Get out of your comfort zone!
Listen, you’re in college, living on your own so you’re technically already out of your comfort zone. Why stop there? Go nuts! If you want to get the full college experience you’re going to have to try new things. Whether you’re alone or drag someone with you, you’ve got to put yourself out there. You may fail, that happens. But one fail doesn’t make you a failure. Live it up in college. It’s the only time in your life where it’s really acceptable from here on out. You have to understand, college is a time to find yourself. You can always leave your comfort zone after college, but you’ll regret it. You’ll be like “Damn, I wish I was like this in college”. If you say those exact words, you owe me $10. Cash only.

3. Do not feed the Mogwai after midnight or let them get wet. 
You youngins have probably never heard this advice before. It’s the most important piece of advice you’ll ever learn. You want to buy a cute, adorable Mogwai from a mysterious Chinese man? Go ahead. But if you deviate from any of those two instructions you will be the reason for the downfall of your small country town. Gremlins are no laughing matter. They fuck shit up. And they’ll kill you. Town overrun by gremlins? The only thing that kills them is light. Go fix your mess.

4. Go to class.
High school was a breeze for you. You barely studied, got A’s and B’s. Good for you. Now you’re in college and you think it’s the same deal. Cool. You’re an idiot. Go to class. College is a test. It tests your responsibility as an independent individual. Just because your school won’t call your parents if you don’t attend class doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences. Be smart about this. You were smart enough to get in to college, you’re smart enough to go to class. No one wants to fail out. Besides, think of all the cute kids you’ll meet in class. Maybe you sit behind the hot kid and ask them for an extra pen or last night’s homework. That’s how my friend and her boyfriend started talking. He kept asking for homework and she asked me what it meant and I told her maybe he just really doesn’t know the homework. Nope. That was his smooth way of talking to her. Classic. That can be you.

5. Use protection.
Parents stop reading if you don’t want to accept the fact that your child will most likely become sexually active if they haven’t been already. No parents, no curfew, minimal judgement from friends, kids are going to start experimenting. Always wear protection no matter what you’re doing. Well, don’t go giving a BJ while he’s wearing a condom, that’s just silly, but for the love of God look first! Is his penee disgusting? How about you lay off the lollipop, put your clothes back on and leave. Not sure if her vagay is supposed to look like that? Avoid it, offer her some medication and high tail it out of there. So that’s STD awareness. Having sex? Wrap it up. It’s tough enough going to college and taking care of yourself, now imagine having a little bundle of joy too. Much harder and less likely to happen. Girls, birth control is also a solid way to go. Partners can be temporary, herpes is for life. PSA.

6. Party hard!
Now we’re talking! This is probably more along the lines of what you expected to read. Yes. You really should party hard and live it up. Go out as often as you can while being responsible at the same time. This is me that’s giving this advice. Try not to get carried away and go out every night of the week. That’s just crazy. But when you get the chance, as a freshman, you’ll love it. Maybe you get a fake ID, maybe you go to a classy 18+ club, maybe you stick with house parties or sneak alcohol into your dorm room, whatever it is you’re going to have a great time. Take time to appreciate pregaming. Watch Planet Earth before you go out. You won’t regret it. By the way, partying is a subjective term. If your idea of partying is hanging out with your friends staying up late playing Risk (worst game ever) then go ahead. Party hard! As you get older, you’ll appreciates those nights in. They’re recovery nights and they’re awesome.

Have any additional advice you’d like to share with these mold-able young minds? Comment below to share your wisdom or tweet me @tobyjaye19.

Go forth and prosper little ones!


PS – Asking for Simon’s number is also an extremely important college experience. He’d like to add sleeping with a professor isn’t a bad idea either. Corey agrees. I do not. Unless that professor is gorgeous. Then you have my blessing.

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