You may not have realized this about me yet but when people do or say stupid things I can sometimes get pissed off. That happens to everybody you say? Well do me a favor and pretend that it annoys me a little bit more than it does you, and what have I said about interruptions? To be fair I’m not exactly the most patient person when it comes to ineptitude but every once in awhile someone will do or say something that really just leaves you astounded. This is that story.
Now I’m not going to act like this is the dumbest or most brainless thing I’ve ever encountered but it goes way beyond an honest mistake and really put these people in the “idiot” category, even if I’ll never see them again to mock them for this labeling. Not long ago I went into the city (which is New York if you don’t know) with Toby (who came practically kicking and screaming), Simon, and a few of his friends. Fun was had, drinks were drank, things were merry all around. Nobody shit themselves and there were zero altercations or stabbings, which is my definition of a good night. Anyway, we spent most of our time at a bar that had a rooftop component. Cool. Rooftops always seem better than non-rooftops and this particular bar had a nice view of the Empire State Building. Since it was a clear night and not too far away it was clearly visible and cool to see since you can usually only see the building from 40 feet below that point.
At some point while I’m on this rooftop I need to get another drink. As a side note I really hate that once you finish your drink you have no more left. Someone should do something about that. Luckily I didn’t have to go all the way downstairs for another since they had a convenient drink dispensing counter where I was. As I’m waiting among the mob to get to the bar I overhear a conversation that a group near me was having. “I’m pretty sure that’s it,” girl #1 says. “Yeah, I think it is too,” agrees girl #2. “That has to be it, but I’m not exactly sure,” the obviously friend-zoned guy says. I was only half listening but was able to ingeniously surmise that they must have been talking about that good ol’ State Building. Always ready to converse with some foreign ladies (I’m a sucker for accents) and standing close by I decided to give my two cents, exclaiming “yeah that’s the Empire State Building if that’s what you guys were wondering.”
“Oh yeah, cool, thanks,” one of the girls says in a completely normal accent, much to my shock and dismay. The other girl says something accent-less as well, which I can’t remember because at that point she became completely uninteresting. At this point I joked, asking the girls if they had ever seen any of the countless disaster movies that destroyed New York. They both giggled but neither offered sex, which I still would have taken from the hotter one if she offered, despite her lack of a cool accent. Once I got over the disappointment that they weren’t foreigners and have apparently seen zero disaster movies or The Avengers I immediately started wondering where they were from that they didn’t immediately recognize the iconic building they were looking at. I asked them where they were from.
“Oh, umm, Brooklyn,” the one girl says, lacking any of the embarrassment I thought she should have. “Originally?” I question. “Yeah,” she says matter-of-factly. I Nod towards the other girl and she says that she’s also from Brooklyn. I’m dumbfounded. “Brooklyn is fuckin borough of New York City,” I said dickishly. Then I point at the guy with them, “what about you?” He lifts up his hands as if to show me that he’s unarmed then starts waving them, as if to separate himself from these two idiots. Alright I begin to think, at least this guy’s from somewhere else where he may not know better. “Well?” At this point I just want another fucking drink, already regretting talking to these morons. Finally the guy opens his mouth. “I’m from. . . Connecticut,” he said slowly, because he knew I thought the whole lot of them were morons. “Bloody hell, you’re no better than these two!,” I said while stammering over to the other side of the bar.
I eventually got my drink and found my friends, realizing I may have found a new low for stupid people. You can all know that somewhere out there are people, living in New York their whole lives, who don’t know what the Empire State Building looks like. Empire State Building. Empire State. It’s our fucking name for crying out loud. They’ve probably sung that Jay-Z song 248 times and had no idea. God damn it. Now if you will, join me in a collective one of these:
Carry on people, and please don’t make this mistake.