Today, my teacher friend had to console a young girl about her period. The girl was afraid that everyone in class could see her pad and was extremely concerned, as anyone would be. My friend handled the situation well, advising the girl to purchase a large coin purse to hide the evidence. If someone asks to see what’s inside it’s their loss.
If she wanted to scare the girl she could have told her you’re going to sincerely loathe your period. Once a month you’re going to hate the fact that your parents’ chromosomes combined to give you an X instead of a Y. Don’t be afraid to curl up into a ball and ride those cramps out, unless you are capable of taking medicine, which I highly recommend. Also, it’s totally acceptable to wear nothing but sweats for those brutal 3-7 days. If a guy asks why, tell him the truth. That’s the last time he’ll ever question what you wear. When you and your friends reach that stage where you’re all comfortable talking about bodily processes, trust me, that’s a majority of your conversations, with the addition of boys and pooping of course.
Everyone hates their period. I dare you to find someone that proclaims pure love for their monthly cycle. Besides the mood swings, which I discussed in an earlier post, we feel gross. Not just dirty, but bloated, greasy and altogether unattractive. It’s wonderful, really. But as much as you hate your period, once you become sexually active you’re going to praise the Lord when that puppy arrives. No longer will you dread ruining a pair of nice underwear, but you’ll welcome it. Bleeding from your vagina is a small price to pay if that means not getting pregnant. If you’re concerned about that possibility, and then suddenly get your monthly gift you will send a mass text immediately from the bathroom stall declaring you are NOT pregnant!
She could have also said not to worry and informed her that she will have most of the rest of her life to deal with her period until she reaches menopause where she will experience hot flashes, more mood swings and vaginal dryness.
However, my friend did not want to scare her.
I, on the other hand, am taking it upon myself to provide a personal PSA to girls everywhere. I’m sorry, but as mammals it’s something you’re stuck with.
Stay menstruating, my friends.
PS – If a guy ever sees a red spot near your butt and asks what it is, tell him you’re on your period and it’s just anal bleeding. That’ll shut him up real quick. I know from experience.
PPS – Anal bleeding is not a normal sign of your period and if you are experiencing this you should consult a doctor immediately.