Today, I journeyed to one of the greatest places on Earth. It’s a magical building that holds all of God’s most precious treasures. Everything else pales in comparison to this place’s beauty. It literally glows as you enter and sings with a chorus of a thousand angels as you glide through the automatic sliding doors. The aisles are filled with cleverly crafted gifts that bring simplicity into your life. Yes, I am talking about the one, the only, The Container Store.
What, a year, two years ago, our town made the genius decision to add another outlet mall to an already mall-clogged main road. At first, I was disappointed. The lot could have been transformed into a beautiful park full of green grass and maple trees. Gosh, it would have been lovely in the fall. But no, they insisted on building various stores, like Starbucks, probably because they are in such short supply. I mean, there are barely any within a block radius. Just a Dunkin’ Donuts, and we all know that one chain coffee place isn’t enough. So they created the Westbury Commons. They did do a few things right with this. One of them being adding a Trader Joes, another is the brand new addition of Home Goods (coming soon) and of course, the almighty temple itself, The Container Store.
I’d passed The Container store millions of times (I counted) and always had an overwhelming desire to go in, but I knew I couldn’t buy anything, partially because I had no reason to and also because I’m po’. But finally, after being mentioned in the movie “Enough Said”, starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and the late James Gandolfini, my friend and I took an impromptu trip there. It was as wonderful as I’d imagined. I’m pretty sure it’s incredibly similar to heaven, except in that case I’d have a mansion to store things in and plenty of money to do so. Men, you may have a vagina if you feel the same way. But it is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just good sense to pine for organization in a hip, stylish way. Maybe you like mason jars, or prefer colored plastic. Maybe you want a wicker bin, wooden or cloth of a shade that would enhance the color scheme of your living room. There are so many different kinds of jars to store things in and boxes upon boxes upon boxes to store even more things in! I’m not embarrassed to say that I had a female erection walking down every aisle. Every aisle. It was better than sex. Yes, I get aroused by organization. Take notes.
I have this unreachable vision of the way my room/apartment/house should look. It’ll be bright, full of color and decorated with creatively ingenious ways to store everything. Pinterest will obviously play a significant role, but I’m almost positive The Container will become the MVP. That, and Target. Honestly, it’s like Target, just more specialized and more expensive. Oy, I’d really be broke if I went into a Target and Container Store in one shopping trip. Just take my money. I won’t even look. I’ll close my eyes and you just walk away.
Plus, they have items you wouldn’t even think a store would have, but they do! If you’re ever in need of a tiny little eye dropper they have it! They also have recycling bins! I’d probably be a more responsible recycler if I had one of those bad boys staring at me all day. And so very many magnetic things you’ll want to make everything magnetic! Just going into that store motivates me to be a more organized person, and I’m a Virgo. That’s hard to do.
I do plan on taking more trips there, maybe I’ll even buy something. But I’ll mostly go for the thrill.