I’d like all of you to know, this blog has become a form of procrastination. Instead of writing my thesis, I’m writing this, because it’s more fun and has nothing to do with bison.
Yesterday, Simon posted about relationship deal breakers. He hit on quite a few good points, some superficial, some personality-related, others cat-related, but all are reasons he feels exclude certain people from his dating repertoire (sorry, men). And I agree with him, not on all those counts, especially since I love cats. There is currently one sleeping on my bed. He’s orange and awesome and gives me kisses because no one else will. Wow, that’s depressing.
What I’m getting at is that everyone has their own personal rule set to follow when they start dating.
Why, you may ask?
(If you did ask, I’m a little disappointed you had to, but more than willing to share my answer…good luck in all your endeavors…)
Beecccaaauuussseeee if you plan on marrying that person, or at least staying with them for a significant amount of time, you’ll want to enjoy it.
Right? You don’t date someone because you have to, unless you’re wrapped up in an arranged marriage or sold as a sex slave or pawned off on some desperate, unsuspecting person – those are extreme cases. You date someone because you want to! This is the one facet in life where want and need actually work out in your favor. Please don’t be one of those people that dates because they need to be in a relationship. That’s just sad. No one needs to be stuck with another person, forced to interact against their will, especially if that person instigates the whole thing. Leave the other wide-eyed person alone. You’re so good at faking the relationship they don’t know any better, or they’re complacent with how things are going…which may be worse. Let them find someone that wants to be with them, that wants to spend time with them, not someone that will turn to dust if they’re seen in public alone. Not that it matters, either way you’ll be glued to your cell phone. Because let’s be real, if we’re alone (or sometimes with people), we’re staring at either a blank home screen or scrolling through Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram, not actually doing anything to simply appear preoccupied with our lives rather than accepting our solitude in a crowded place. Admit it, you’ve done it.
Have I gone off topic?
Deal breakers are meant to act as red flags to match your individual taste. Go with your gut. If there’s something inherently weird about a guy with a ponytail and your red flags are waving more frantically than a high school girl getting her friend’s attention to let her know she’s got a saved seat, don’t date him. If you talk to a guy and he’s not making you laugh, chances are that’s his personality and he never will. Go find someone that you find funny. Go!
In the past, present and most likely future, I have been, am and will be described as picky. But it’s all for a good cause. My end goal is pretty important and if we’re going to date, you’ve got to know where it’s headed. Yes, it’s an excessive mindset to enter a first date with, but I feel it’s necessary. In my defense, I don’t go in thinking “OMG, I hope he has enough groomsmen to go with my future bridal party!”. My thought process is more along the lines of “Can I have an enjoyable dinner with this person for an hour or two without wanting to take my fork and plunge it into my chest.” Fortunately, none of my dates have ever come to that, but I have to say, I have held my fork extremely tight. Again, I assume the guy I’m with is evaluating me with his own deal breaking rules. Maybe I’m too short, maybe my accent comes out too often and makes me sound dumb, perhaps my sarcasm and witty humor is unappreciated, who knows? He’s got his own agenda. And that’s okay. He’s allowed to be picky as well. It’s human nature. Besides following sexual selection cues like body type, intelligence and status, we as humans get to choose from other categories as well. Science. It’s exciting stuff.
Deal breakers have been around since partners could choose who they wanted to mate with. Essentially, that’s what we’re doing. Our catch is that we live long enough to stay with that partner for an extremely long period of time (or not, the beauty of divorce). So why not enjoy the time you’re together? And how does one assess the level of happiness they feel when with someone else? They date and weed out the deal breakers until that one person stands out.