It’s Almost Christmas…Not

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe we are currently in November. I’m pretty sure Halloween was a little over two weeks ago and Thanksgiving hasn’t happened yet, however we’ve got Christmas decorations all up in our face and Santa’s so close to coming to town that he’s screaming out his Ho’s and getting really sweaty from anticipation. Sorry, but I bet Santa gets just as excited for Christmas as you do with anything that turns you on. I don’t know you, so I’m not going to guess what turns you on. If it’s something completely disgusting that’s your secret. You may very well be on Santa’s naughty list so no need to publicly shame you for whatever weird thing gets you off.

Listen, I’m all for Christmas cheer. I love Christmas! I’m a lucky Jew because I’ve been celebrating it for…ew, going on 7 years now? Christmas morning with the Morritts and Christmas dinner with the Fazios. You have no idea who these people are, it’s just important that they get a shout out because they’ve let me eat at their homes for too many years and this is the least I could do. The other day the z100 morning show (free plug) was discussing if it’s too early to play Christmas music. Ya know what, it is. I felt compelled to call in and give a Jewish person’s perspective. I didnt, but I wanted to. While there are Christians that agree with me, their opinion isn’t as valid because it’s their holiday. Sooner or later they’re going to listen to “White Christmas” and “Jingle Bell Rock” at their adorable Christmas party. We, on the other hand, do not. We deserve some time to prepare for Christmas joy and I feel like there should be a set date that the world abides by to begin celebrating this time of happiness. That way we have fair warning when the merriment will commence and can prepare our psyche for the overshadowing of Hanukkah (don’t get me started on the fake interest in Kwanzaa – sorry, guys).

I just don’t understand why Christmas has to start an entire month early? You don’t see us freaking out about Hanukkah. Since we go by the lunar calendar, it’s a surprise every year! When’s Hanukkah this year? Oh, I don’t know…guess we’ll have to wait and see! Christmas is on the same day every year. Where’s the fun in that? We’ve even got a daily reminder on ABC Family who is kind enough to provide an annual service of the 25 days of Christmas. Twenty-five whole days devoted to Christmas themed movies. I vote they play Gremlins this year. It’s always forgotten. For those who remember the movie, it takes place during Christmas time – instant classic.

This year we share one of our eight crazy nights with Thanksgiving. And you know who’s talking about this rare phenomenon that happens once every thousands of years?  Not us! That just means we get an extremely early holiday season, turkey and sweet potatoes and latkes and applesauce all on the same night, and it leaves enough time for Christmas to be the one and only holiday before the new year. We can’t even complain that Christmas is overshadowing Hanukkah because they’re barely in the same month. You win, Christians. December is yours. The last few nights of Hanukkah are forgotten anyway. It’s tough enough getting your family together to light the menorah for the first few nights let alone the last ones, especially when all the presents are given out. Coming up with eight presents that are the equivalent to stocking stuffers is hard. You can only get so many pairs of socks on so many nights.

To be fair, I haven’t seen an abundance of Christmas decorations on houses yet, which is a relief, but I know they’ve been stocking up. Target has basically become a Christmas store reserving a little over half an aisle toward Hanukkah stuff. Need a menorah or sticky window decor of Jewish stars? Target’s got you covered. Looking for delicious Hanukkah gelt? Target has you covered – $1.00 each. Not gonna lie, huge ripoff. Let’s be real, I’m not paying an entire dollar for chocolate in a gold wrapper. Some may call me cheap, or throw the word Jew around, but I know what I’m paying for and that is most definitely not worth a dollar. Grrr.

Just do us and all non-Christmas celebrating people a favor and relax for a bit. At least let Thanksgiving have it’s moment in the sun. It’s a pretty big deal. It marks a time in history when two races joined together in peace and then one race massacred the other using biological warfare, I mean, accidental transmission of disease. Either way, give us a break. Give yourselves a break. Take the holiday season one day at a time. You’re not Santa. You have other things to live for besides Christmas.

Merry Christmas in 35 days (thank you http://www.xmasclock.com/),

Toby

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One thought on “It’s Almost Christmas…Not

  1. Pingback: A Last-Minute Holiday Resolution | Almost Activist Waitress

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