Amazon’s Planning Drones, Paul Walker Dies in Most Ironic Way in Years, and Obama Wants to Host Sportscenter

We’ve been away.  Now we’re back.  Yay for all and rejoice!

Since it’s been awhile lets do a little recap on some shit that’s gone down.

First up we have the CEO of Amazon who recently said that they’re planning on using delivery drones, aptly named Amazon Prime Air, and that they can be ready for use in 4-5 years. The only thing I have to say to that: Fuck yeah.  This is a great idea and if you disagree I hope the first one that malfunctions crashes into your house and blows the whole thing up Hollywood style.

Apparently our good people at Amazon want to make it so that you can order something from them and have it within 30 minutes.  Think of the possibilities! For one people will have to go basically nowhere to go shopping if they didn’t want to.  This is already true but I’m sure there are still some people who won’t buy things online because it might take 2-7+ days depending on what it is. 30 minutes though? That seems unreal right? Hell even if it’s an hour, or six hours that’s still pretty freakin’ sweet.  Forgot to pick something up that you really need but you’re stuck at work? Order it there and it’ll be at your doorstep by the time you get home.  On a date and it’s looking like you’ll unexpectedly seal the deal? Order some condoms then find a way to discretely get them out of the box without the chick noticing.  The possibilities are endless and this is a great idea. “But what about safety?”  Fuck safety.  For once, just let this happen.  I’m sure the government will do anything it can to make sure this idea gets held up in red-tape hell in a futile effort to save the postal service but come on, this is the way of the future.  If Obama gets to kill whoever he wants with them halfway across the world why can’t Amazon use them to quickly deliver lube to your front door?

Paul Walker, star of the high-octane Fast and the Furious franchise died in a single car crash. In the title I called it ironic, which although might be accurate, is much easier to say than “an unfortunate coincidence.” Facebook went nuts, as per usual and everyone was really sad about the passing of this American cinematic titan. All I’m going to say is someone better blow themselves up or something when Harrison Ford dies.

President Obama wants to be a Sportscenter anchor when he’s done destroying healthcare and droning the ‘stans. I’m going to be honest, I’m not sure he’s cut out for it. It’s going to be hard for people to watch sports news when we’re trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Of course if that doesn’t happen he’ll probably be the best anchor, since he already knows what every athlete is doing and knows about trades quicker than Adam Schefter.

Something, something

Corey Aaron

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One thought on “Amazon’s Planning Drones, Paul Walker Dies in Most Ironic Way in Years, and Obama Wants to Host Sportscenter

  1. Pingback: A Few Holiday Season Bummers and How to Get Over Them | Kram Comedy Speaks

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