A Few Holiday Season Bummers and How to Get Over Them

The holiday season is right on time again this year and Christmas cheer is in the air.  Of course it may not feel this way to many, especially those of us in the transitional period of our lives where we’re trying to figure out what the holidays mean to us without the anticipation of Santa comin’ to town and with the complications of increasingly real-life circumstances.  This season is supposed to be where we appreciate what we have but for some it’s the only time of year that most highlights what you don’t have.  I’m sure you have that one person who erroneously brings up how many more suicides there are during the holiday season but truth be told there are a plethora of reasons people might come to despise the holidays without actually wanting to kill themselves. I have to admit that this is probably my favorite time of the year, so if you’re one of those people that can’t quite enjoy it because of this or that here’s a list of some things that might be keeping you down and how you can get the fuck over it.

  1. You don’t have anyone to spend the holidays with– I mean like romantically.  If you have literally nobody to spend the holiday with then I actually do feel kind of bad for you, assuming you’re not choosing to spend it by yourself, which is completely acceptable if that’s your thing.  No,no, what I mean is that you don’t have that special honey to cuddle up with next to the fire after a delicious Christmas dinner, or at the very least a fuck buddy who’ll give you a little tug job after you’re too tired and full from finishing your parent’s eggnog (which is one word, who knew?).  If there’s one thing that bums people out this time of year it’s that they don’t have that oh-so-special someone to exchange gifts with, rush over to family parties with, and subsequently have special Christmas sex with.  Yeah, you can let the fact that you’re alone, undesirable to the opposite sex, and probably not finding anyone soon keep you down or you can see the bright side. How you can get over it: You’re probably strapped for money anyway, so not having to buy some overly-expensive and needlessly-extravagant gift should definitely go down as a win in your book.  Especially if you’re a dude, finding the gift that has just the right amount of sentimental value but also objectively nice can be a daunting task, so fuck it, this year you’re home-free.  Just think about how many of those “adorable” couples that you envy are probably on the rocks and will soon implode once the cheerful veil of the holidays has passed.  A whopping 38% of couples that are together this Christmas will break up in the first three months of the new year and all of those couples would have exchanged expensive gifts, so think of not having an SO this Christmas as an investment in your future lack of despair.
  2. So much traffic and the malls are too crowded–  yeah, this part sucks.  The streets are packed and the malls are even packeder and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it.  One way to avoid this is to do your holiday shopping online.  Once amazon has its drones it’ll be easier but even in this prehistoric day and age you can still do most, if not all of your shopping online. A lot of online shopping services will even wrap your gift for you, you lazy fuck. As for dealing with all of this if o-line shopping isn’t your thing? Prepare for lines, many of them.  I recommend a small flask, just enough to take the edge off and keep you from being the next mall murderer but not enough to land you with a big DUI that’ll unfortunately follow you into the impending new year.
  3. I have no money to buy anyone gifts- It’s called the season of giving but unfortunately you don’t have all that much to participate in the whole giving thing. It’s a problem that many in the 18-25 age group have, and some even beyond this bracket.  So what do you do?  You certainly can’t be that douchebag family member who receives presents from everyone while handing out none.  Everyone hates that guy.  The key is to find relatively cheap things that aren’t complete shit and that whoever will probably like. “But it’s the thought that matters.” True, but also a little bit of bullshit, since there’s a lot of thoughts that I have that I’d be put in jail for if they counted. Man up, chip in with a sibling or something if you can, and find a nice, cheap gift.
  4. I can’t get in the spirit with all these finals-they’ll be over soon and it could be worse, you could be working.

    Hope this helped,

    Corey Aaron


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