New Year, New Relationship

Happy New Year everyone! I hope it as totally awesome and not at all a waste of money! Mine wasn’t, because I made money. Go bartending!

Did everyone decide on their resolution for 2014? For the first time in a while I don’t actually have one. I’ve said the usuals in the past: go to the gym, spend more time with family, travel – but since the first two will be tough to accomplish considering I don’t on joining a gym in Boston and ya know, I’m moving to Boston so family time is going to be a tad difficult, and the last one is going to be accomplished by again, moving to Boston and visiting Italy, my resolution has to be something more creative and quite frankly hasn’t come to me yet. Maybe I’ll decide to make less run-on sentences as my resolution, but until then it’s still up in the air. Normally I also resolve to find a boyfriend, make this year the year. But I’m tired of that one too. There are only so many times you can convince yourself this year will be it without changing anything about yourself or your habits.

This post is for all my single friends out there that are tired of being single or those friends that are tired of the relationship they’re dragging from 2013. The new year brings a fresh start that you totally deserve.

1. If you’re single, don’t stop looking. 
Something everyone’s heard at least once in their life: Once you stop looking you’ll find someone. Wrong! Worst advice. When I stopped “looking”, I stayed in every weekend and became an avid SNL fan. Not exactly exerting the appropriate amount of effort into finding someone. You can always look. How else are you going to find someone? Sure, there’s the chance someone magically finds you, but how will that happen if your ass is always on your couch? Keep going out. Keep having fun. Keep flirting. Keep looking.

2. Be open to new things.
This applies to new types of guys, new activities to try and new personalities to discover. That rut is not helping you. Step out of your box in 2014. Go find a new box with life goals and a real job. That’s the box you should be in. Not the box going nowhere in life that likes to sit on his ass and play video games all day.

3. Take a new relationship day by day. 
Welcome to my biggest problem in relationships. If anyone needs to listen to this, it’s me. Setting goals for yourself at the beginning of a relationship is healthy. Setting wedding dates when you just met the guy is not. It’s dangerous to go into anything immediately deciding if you see a future. I’ve done that and it’s removed a lot of waste from my life, but at the same time it takes away from dating. Not everyone is going to work out, because that would be ridiculous, but they all deserve a shot.

4. If it’s new and not working, you don’t have to force it.
However, if you really don’t feel anything, get out! Don’t continue someone if you have this strong gut instinct that you shouldn’t. If there’s no chemistry then hey, there’s no chemistry. Maybe only one person feels it. Well, it takes two. You’ve got all year to find a good fit. Just because Valentine’s Day is practically around the corner does not mean you need to find someone for it. Not having a date for V-day is sad, but having a date that you loathe is even worse.

5. See a pattern? Break it. 
If you’re one of the people that has a “type” or continues to try and meet people in the same location – do something else. This is your chance. Go in a different direction. No luck meeting someone at a bar? Stop going there. Join a club, flirt with a guy at a local coffee shop, go to a different bar during a big sports game – try it! What’s the worst that can happen? You have a great time. So simple.

6. If you’re in a relationship and it’s boring, spice it up. 
Long-term relationships have the opportunity to drag and become monotonous. No one wants that. I hate going to work everyday, I can only imagine how a relationship would feel if it felt like work. The same routine gets dull. Make dinner together, go bowling, take walks in the freezing cold – you can both complain the entire time how you can’t feel your hands and then refuse to take them out of your pockets to let the other person warm them up. It’s genius!

7. But if it’s not worth saving, end it. 
Sometimes all the effort you can put it can fail and the relationship is just over. It’s okay to break up. If everyone was meant to be with just one person why would dating be a thing? I don’t believe in ‘soul mates’. If one person was right for you at that time, there will be someone else at a different time. That first leap into the single life is scary but you’ll feel an immense amount of relief once it’s done. And if you’re not relieved, then maybe reconsider and hey, your bond might be stronger.

8. Find your independence in a relationship. 
Are you that clingy person? Stop. A healthy relationship is founded upon time together and time apart. Space is so important to really value the time spent together. Every relationship will scale amount of space differently, but that’s up to you. I recommend finding that balance and sticking to it. If you’ve been skimping out on friend and family time because of this relationship, the people will welcome you back and appreciate your effort. Unless you’ve seriously screwed them over. Then you’re on your own.

9. Be happy together. 
I’ve always felt that if two people are in a relationship they should essentially be their best friends. And I know I have fantastic times with my best friends so my standards in a relationship are pretty high. It’s so important to be happy with your significant other. Everyone likes that person with a smile. Psh, I know I do.

10. Do things for yourself. 
But most importantly, you need to want to be in the relationship. Whether it’s just beginning or been going on for a while you need to want it. It’s 2014. A year for making decisions. You may not know what those decisions are yet, but they are yours. You can consider as many other people as you want, but in the end, it affects your life the most. Do what’s best for you.

Have a wonderful 2014! Pace yourselves, it’s only January 3rd.

Toby

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