Gender Roles In Dating: A Woman’s Response

The other day Simon posted about gender roles in dating and posed the question as to why they exist. He doesn’t see the purpose for the man to pay for dinner or pick the woman up on the first date or initiate the kiss. He really doesn’t understand why it’s important to the woman. And in reality, sometimes it isn’t, especially now when women are gaining independence and equality in the world. People argue that women should take on more equality in dating. Eh, if that’s your style go for it. But I don’t see it that way.

From a woman’s perspective, I see these “gender roles” as dating etiquette. Despite modern views in dating where women should be treated equal, I’m more traditional and see dating as a place where women should be treated politely and the man will be treated politely in return. On dates it’s not imperative that the guy pay for the meal, open  doors, or to initiate the kiss, but it’s a sign that he can support himself, that he’s polite and that he’s interested, respectfully. If he asks to split the check, okay, whatever. A minor strike against him. But maybe he thinks she’d prefer to pay for half since she’s a woman of this era. Or maybe he’s not actually interested in a relationship and is hinting at that. Or maybe he’s just a cheap dbag who never pays for anything. Let’s say he doesn’t open a door for her the entire night. Well, she could have been leading him all night so that would make it awkward and make him appear overzealous. Or maybe he’s just an inconsiderate asshole that walks through doors and doesn’t have the decency to hold it open a second longer so the person behind him has a fighting chance of making it through. If there’s no kiss he’s either too shy, think he’s being respectful or again, just not that in to you. You can read this post to see my opinion on this.

Whenever Corey, Simon and I discuss this topic, I feel like my view is never verbalized efficiently enough to make a valid argument. Using the phrase “a man has to be a man” isn’t exactly the best way to explain my point. As a bio major, it seems evolution has driven our sense of attraction toward men that can impress us and provide for us. Sure, it’s a bit archaic, but that’s the best scientific explanation I can give. Otherwise it relies on individual preference.

It also doesn’t help if the guy doesn’t want to do any of these things on a date. If it feels forced, then it’s probably not meant to be. Both people in a relationship should want to please the other and do things for them. In the beginning that means the guy pays for the dinner and the girl provides the blowies. Kidding! It’s Toby writing, remember? The girl’s role is obviously going to be different. She wants to interest the guy. The point of dating is to find someone you’re interested in and eventually develop feelings to the point where you want to start an exclusive relationship. It’s all relative.

Guys, all you have to do is suck it up for the first few dates and see if she starts offering to pay for stuff. If it really bothers you, I promise you there are girls out there that don’t need that kind of doting. Most are genuinely satisfied with being with their best friend than their provider. Those are the girls you need to watch out for because they want to date their dads. That’s gross. And illegal. Please don’t date your dad.

Anyone have similar thoughts or reactions to Simon’s post? Anyone have any reaction to this post? Let us know in the comments below, on Twitter or through our carrier pigeon Morty. You don’t find him, he’ll find you.

Keep calm and read our blog,

Toby

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3 thoughts on “Gender Roles In Dating: A Woman’s Response

  1. “Using the phrase “a man has to be a man” isn’t exactly the best way to explain my point. As a bio major, it seems evolution has driven our sense of attraction toward men that can impress us and provide for us. Sure, it’s a bit archaic, but that’s the best scientific explanation I can give.” Speaking as an averaged body hopeless romantic. This is the best and worst explanation I’ve ever heard. Mainly for your explanation and understanding of what you call “evolution” but what I would call “society”. Hell we can compromise and call it “the evolution of society”. Yeah I like the ring of that. We haven’t been driven, we’ve been conditioned to go after whatever/whoever is wearing the latest fashions or into the newest fads. No one takes the time to get to know someone anymore to see if that first date would even be worth it. I say this more so in the defence of guys rather then girls (yes it does happen to you gals as well I’m just saying it happens more to us). From the moment you lay eyes on someone you start judging them on anything and everything. It’s just how it is and frankly it kinda makes me sick. I wholeheartedly enjoy watching the typical “barbie and ken” couples that last a couple of weeks, 2-3 months tops then end it after slowly realizing that they have nothing in common other then good looks. It’s frankly disturbing what this “evolution of society” is doing to us, but after years of thought and debate and sad drunken nights I have to stop and ask myself. Is there anything we can do about it?

    • Sadly yes, society helps mold physical characteristics. I definitely agree with you there, but I was just referring to dating behavior not appearance. That’s a wholeeee other post my friend.

      I think there’s someone out there for everyone – and not just one person either. All you can do is find the one compatible for you.

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