A Gift and a Curse: Having a Huge Dong

Everyone, there’s something that I have to get off of my chest.  It’s been killing me inside my whole life, and only a select few know the truth.  I have a huge dong.  World Class caliber, Nathan’s famous, bangers and mash type stuff.  We’re talking borderline world record here.  It’s quite a sight to behold. Literally, you have to hold it, it takes up that much space.  The ladies call it Red Rider because you know you’ll shoot your eye out.

Well now that you know that my loins are basically the flesh equivalent to Muppets in 3D, now I can finally start talking about how much of a pain in the butt it is… FOR ALL THE LADIES!!! Just kidding, butt holes are gross.

First of all, you ever try to wear boots with a huge dong?  Do you know how difficult it can be trying to tie a bunny ear knot with your meat rope dangling near your tims?

Have you ever tried to send a dick pic and have girls think your dick is really just a man in a dick monster costume walking around a fake model town like a Godzilla movie?

You ever try to have sex, but your bedroom is only 20’x15’?

You ever try to wear skinny jeans but you also have two legs?

You ever try to touch the Grinch, but you have an 11 and a half foot pole?

You ever try to make a glory hole and risk the structural integrity of your apartment building?

I mean shit, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning if I hadn’t practiced pole-vaulting in high school.  It’s insane, but there are some advantages.

Holding the door open for people can be very easy.

I never have a problem scratching my back.

I always have a belt available that matches with brown shoes.

I can reach that one little kid urinal.

I always know which direction is north.

I frequently get light headed due to blood loss.  (Yes that’s a pro)

I always have a kick stand to rest on.

So you know, gift and a course.  Man that sure was a hard topic to write about.  I hope my audience isn’t too stiff to find this funny.  Penis.

Peace and Love,

Simon Levit


3 thoughts on “A Gift and a Curse: Having a Huge Dong

  1. In all reality though it is a fucking pain. Some girls think it’s too much and then BAM! you’re stuck there jacking it for the night cause she couldn’t take it. Also when he starts getting a mind if his own and keeps on moving throughout the day the adjustments are hard and frequent. And don’t even get me started about taking a piss on the toilet that’s a whole other ordeal on it’s own. But that’s just all my two sense.

  2. Pingback: A Gift but Mostly a Curse: Having a Tiny Penis | Kram Comedy Speaks

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