If you’re from around the tri-state area then you been hit with some surprise snow! Was it a surprise? I feel like people didn’t really know about this one in time to freak out. Hopefully you’re not stuck somewhere you don’t want to be and if you aren’t I suggest constructing a blanket fort. Who doesn’t love a blanket fort?
What’s on the table for today? A couple days ago a few of us here at Kram were wondering how those who don’t find us on Facebook or Twitter actually find our posts. Google, duh, right? Well, actually yeah, some people do find us from Google searches and we get a list of some of the search terms that are used (but of course not who searched what. Who do you think we are, the government and shit?) and many of them are pretty funny.
So let’s look, how are people finding Kram? The top searches that lead the people to us are “no shave november for women” and “how to score on tinder” which sounds about right since people like getting the poon and the peen. The next highest is “snapchat nudes,” for the people who are too dumb to understand the whole concept of the app but smart enough to find their way here. Here’s where we get to some of the less searched but still significant terms.
Some wayward searcher wanted “carlos dangers penis” while another searched for “fast facts about sioux falls south dakota.” They were probably in luck since there only have to be like four facts about that place. Another wanted “horny girls snapchat names,” which shows that people are still looking for the poon and “how do you know if you got blocked on tinder” for the guy who has clearly shown his dick to a few too many unsuspecting females. Someone else wanted a “peniss message,” which I’m happy to oblige if you contact me directly next time.
Lots of people have searched for the “princesses: long island theme” so I guess it must be a good one. Somebody else wanted to know “is a cough a sign of flirting.” I can assure you that it’s almost always just a sign of a respiratory infection or an unclear throat. Many readers have found us expressing their hate for the show “girl code” and one particular reader found us by searching “sit on my face and i’ll eat my way to your heart picture.” Now I’m pretty curious.
Another was “no shave november pants won’t zip” which it seems to me is a pretty big problem if you can’t go a whole month not shaving without having your humongous bush get in the way of wearing jeans.
“Do women turn men on in catsuits.” If you have the catsuit I’m willing to find out.
Ah, the oft sought “kram di penis.” I honestly don’t even know. Kram di penis? Are you asking about cramming your penis in things or like creme de penis or something?
“Duckface dick sucking” is another, which I’m sure is the action evoked whenever most people see infamous duckface pics. Someone else was looking for “christmas present for a fuck buddy” which had to have been a box of condoms or a dildo or something right? You can’t get FB’s nice things, you’ll give them the wrong idea man! Bring it back! Don’t do it!
“hannukkah overshadowing christmas!” I can appreciate their poor spelling in conjunction with their unwavering enthusiasm and concern. “Should i kiss on the first date patti;” well this guy sure hopes you went for it.
We finish with a few people asking if lava sauce has been discontinued at Taco Bell (it has, call your congressman, the president, the UN, whoever the fuck you have to call to get it back!!) and my personal favorite, “did paul walker die because of amazon drones.” If somebody could find a connection there I’d be shocked and impressed. Hopefully that’s the road they go down in the next Fast movie.
To end this post I leave you with a picture of one of my all-time favs just because she’s smokin’. The always pleasant to look at, Katy Perry:
And a gif, because I love her and I love you. Seriously though, I love her way more. She’s ridiculous.
Enjoy, and stay warm folks. Here’s to snowdays for everyone.