Free Bleeding: A Trend That Will Hopefully Never Catch On

DISCLAIMER: This is a graphic post. You have been warned.


Yesterday I had the pleasure of reading about one of the most disturbing new trends in feminism of the new year. I decided it was too ridiculous not to share or discuss so you lucky readers get to hear about this too. It’s quite possibly the most disgusting thing women can do to protest “unnatural” concepts and, of course, our biggest oppressor, men.

Some women are really going out of their way to be women in their most natural form and what’s more natural than a woman bleeding from her vagina? It’s in our genetic makeup. As mammals we are programmed to shed our uterine lining every month. As people we are programmed to hide it, or so these feminists believe. They think it’s unnatural to cover up our monthly cycle. They think we should wear it proudly as it runs down our leg, ruins our underwear and smudges our butt. That’s a good idea. Let’s just be animals. They’ve been doing it right. Take those diapers off all the female dogs. Them bitches need to bleed freely! And we should follow that! There’s no reason we should shove tampons into places only penises should be shoved. We shouldn’t be forced to wear pads that sit on our underwear, feel utterly uncomfortable and act as a constant reminder that we are leaking from one of our hidden orifices.

Let me be the first to say that hiding our periods from the world isn’t a form of antifeminism. It is a form of being decent and sanitary. Dear lord, are you telling me that these women feel comfortable soiling their loins and feeling warm thick liquid drip down their legs? Maybe they sit over a hole in the ground for an entire week until they’re all done. But for the rest of us, I think it’s okay that we use sanitary pads and tampons. The word ‘sanitary’ is there for a reason. No one wants drops of blood coating the sidewalks of the world, let alone your carpet at home. Put a fucking tampon in! This is a heinous form of protest and I won’t stand for it! I’m going to protest it by continuing my monthly routine of not bleeding publicly, thank you.

The second reason that women find the practice of ‘covering up’ our periods as antifeminist is because tampons and pads are ‘man’ made, thereby acting as another form of rape. I cannot say this enough… WHAT THE FUCK?  Talk about reaching for a reason to not conform. Couldn’t think of anything else? Had to go straight to rape, huh? Is that all we have as women? We’re better than that. Don’t blame the hate of tampons on the hate of men. Women probably make tampons too. Just hate tampons.

But that’s not the point. Fortunately, the article advocates the continuation of sanitary practice to dealing with our monthly visitor. It’s not how nature intended, no, but did nature intend us to be vile and spread unnecessary germs? No, pretty sure that’s not in the master plan either. I may have to check with Ken Ham on this one, but I’m pretty sure God didn’t intend for blood to get all over his green Earth.

Do us all a favor, whoever started this trend, end it, immediately. Your parents would so not be proud of you. Go do some meaningful protesting. Use a tampon.

Just, ew.


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