How Do You Make A Move?

Picture this: You’re single. You go out one night. Have a great time with people, but there’s one person in particular that you really click with. You guys are laughing, chatting it up, maybe even making out (kudos). You feel a real connection. If you’re lucky you exchanged numbers. Maybe it’s just friends, maybe more, you don’t know yet. The next day that’s the person you’re thinking about. But while you’re thinking about them, you can’t help but wonder, are they thinking about you?

Maybe you got past that first step, you got a date! Woo! Date time! Fix yourself up, groom a bit, shower. Time to be presentable in public. Again, you feel that you have a fantastic time. The conversation flowed, memories were shared, you felt comfortable together. At the end of the night, he either kisses you or he doesn’t. Apparently, not getting a kiss isn’t the end of the world (I disagree…but that’s me). Either way, you’re falling asleep to the sight of their face. You smile when you wake up remembering the night before. Do you think they’re smiling too?

WELL ISN’T THAT THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!!

I’ve written posts on how to tell if a girl is interested in a guy. And we’ve got a post on how to tell if a guy is interested in a girl. Girls have the tendency to be more obvious than guys, physically anyway. Guys I feel use their words more, however meaningful or -less they are. Guys try to charm, girls try to touch. But what if the guy is just charming and the girl is just friendly?

Normally I can tell when a guy is interested in me. It’s just the way he looks at you, ya know? He’s really with you in the conversation and genuinely interested in what you’re saying. I have the pleasure of talking to Simon on a semi-regular basic and he takes the liberty to pretend to sleep every chance he gets. While it’s hilarious, it’s not exactly what you want. I mean, unless you’re self-deprecating. Then you might enjoy that. Simon’s single! So is Corey. Get on that ladies. Anyway, recently I’ve been having a tough time deciphering whether a guy is in it for friendship or relationship.

My own personal record with being interested in guys that end up friend zoning me is pretty solid. Yeah, I’m attracted to quiet guys (which are terrible choices for me, yet there I go trying to date them), but the real guys I know I’d have a great time with end up being friends that I still have a great time with but nothing more. Hope you read that like I speak, because it makes more sense that way. Now, Kram has had conversations where we’ve discussed the friend zone. The males agree that a guy never fully friend zones a girl. If she wants the D she can probably get it. I don’t think that’s necessarily true, but I do agree that maybe a guy hasn’t thought about a relationship with that girl or vice versa. I’m just going to speak from a girl’s perspective, but it goes either way. My question to you is how does one go about handling this?

I’m not entirely sure what the best approach is. I’ve been in Boston for 3 weeks so far. I’m not against just going out and making friends, but what if I find someone with a great personality that makes me laugh and just stay satisfied with being friends if he doesn’t make a move, or hell, isn’t interested in me that way? There’s the truth-telling Facebook. He adds you as a friend since you wouldn’t dare add him in fear of seeming desperate. Maybe he messages you for your digits and asks you out. Best case scenario. Or….he added you to be friends. Bummer. I hate Facebook.

Let’s say you have the guys number. You could always text him and see how that goes. As long as you stray from “I love you”, you can develop a conversation. If conversation is strained and painful to continue, odds are he’s not interested. Well, he’s either not interested or a bad texter. Both not great signs. It’s up to you to try and keep it going or give up and stay friends. It’s easier to stay friends. Not as exciting, but easier. Boo.

UPDATE: There’s always a phone call. I didn’t even consider that an option. It is, though rarely used and only by the bravest of souls. 

A lot of people deal with this dilemma daily. It’s a serious problem for our generation because people don’t know how to communicate directly. You can call someone, have the call go to voicemail, text them right after and receive an immediate response. Um, hello!? Do you think I called to inform you I was about to text you? Think I missed the sound of your voice so I wanted to listen to your answering machine that I’ve memorized, “So and so, is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording please hang up and try again”. It’s like a baby crying. No one wants to hear that.The whole communication problem intimidates us from actually talking to a person and telling them we’re interested. Rejection is a big factor, but how many people find out if they’re rejected before they accept being friends? Not many. I’m generally a friends person. If he doesn’t seem interested, I accept it and move on. It keeps you from being vulnerable, a position people don’t like to be in. Vulnerability, you’re a stinker.

If I had advice, I’d gladly share it. I, too, am currently experiencing this. No, I don’t know what to do. That’s why I’ve been rambling about it for quite some time. I’ll keep you posted on the progress, if any.

Any advice for people out there in this situation? I bet we’d all really appreciate it. I’d LOVE to hear success stories, but odds are, there are more failures. Those are cool, too. They suck, but they’re cool.

Go catch your rainbow,charm

Toby

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4 thoughts on “How Do You Make A Move?

  1. there is only one solution – rid yourself of the fear of rejection. unless you can read minds you won’t really know what the other person is ultimately looking for, so the only thing you can do is be comfortable with what you are looking for

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