A Little Tale From the Lirr

I was inspired to write this quick post when I was on the train home from the city and I’m standing there in the part where everybody stands when there aren’t enough seats and this hapless guy who’s also standing there decides to try to chat up the trolly looking honey that was standing next to him.

They proceeded to discover that they lived one town over from each other and that the lady was going to get off of the train like three stops early and take a cab the rest of the way home, clearly because she’s either brain damaged or likes to look like she’s geographically challenged in front of men.

“You’re sure I can get a cab home from [correct station that she should have been getting off at anyway]?

“Yeah, of course, there are millions of cabs at that station.”

“I don’t believe you, I’m going to be stranded”

“No, no, there’s lots of cabs, I’ll even hail one for you to make sure you get one.”

Well right away we know this guy isn’t a feminist.

“Okay, I’ll get off at [correct station that I should be getting off at anyway], but I’m your responsibility now. (In a quasi-playful but unoriginal manner) If I don’t get home it’s on you.”

“He he, I mean you know where I live now so if you don’t get home you can find me.”

Then the two had to get off at the stop before they originally intended because they couldn’t hear each other over the thunderous laughter and applause at the guy’s last line.

But in all seriousness, they had that same exact exchange another two or three more times.

“You’re sure it’s okay if I get off at the station closest to the town that I live?”

“Yeah, no reason to get off where you wanted to since it’s like 15 miles away and at least a $20 fair.”

“But you’re sure I’ll be able to get a cab?”

“Yeah, I’ll even make sure you get one”

“Okay, it’s in your hands now. I’m you’re responsibility.”

Alright lady we get it, you’re a moron of epic proportions and have been overpaying for public transportation for probably the better part of the last decade, so do us all a favor and take the advice from the nice creepy man who’s going to tell his cab driver to follow yours the second he gets that cab that he swore on his life he’d provide for you.

At first I wondered how this lady went so long without anyone pointing out the error of her ways but after hearing this bitch ask the same questions over and over and treating the act off getting a cab from a fucking train station with the same urgency as retrieving the plans for destroying the Death Star in A New Hope I stopped wondering.

Luckily she and her new-found lobotomy patient got off the train at the station closest to both of their houses. For the good of humanity I hope there were zero cabs there and that she’s now forced to go after this guy Kill Bill style. Here’s to hoping.

Fuck off,

Corey Aaron


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