Future Overly Honest Mom

One topic people love talking about is their kids. Well, I don’t have any kids. So another other topic people love talking about is their dogs. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve bonded with sharing our furry friend stories. As a bartender it was one of my go-to topics. As a person it is also one of my go-to topics, especially as a person that knows four people in the town she lives in. I’ll tell ya, having a dog is like conversation candy.

Most of the stories people tell paint a loving picture of their canine companion. Oh, their dog is so loving and just wants to be around them, or their dog loves playing with toys or their dog is funny because it has the best guilty face when it does something harmless like rummaging through the trash. That’s cute. My stories are more along the lines of one of my dogs pees in my room, my other dog has the bark of a rabid beast and is a complete jerk except when he wants food. I feel as though I’m too honest about my dog.

This is him. Dakota

Our guess is that he’s a Husky/Shepherd/Terrier mix. He resembles a shepherd, has wiry terrier hair and has all the worst traits of a husky. He howls at sirens (which can be cute as long as it’s before 10pm…), has freakishly high energy and is obnoxiously stubborn. Like, really stubborn. Like, in obedience only listened to the trainers stubborn because he was sick of listening to me stubborn. He’s got me trained so well that he only listens for treats. Dog won’t even come without seeing a tasty bone in my hand. I still love him to pieces, but sometimes it feels like he doesn’t love me.

Too honest? Probably. I can’t help but include that he loves my mother more than me, that he sleeps at the foot of the bed and only cuddles when he wants to go out and has a charming habit of ignoring me when we’re outside. One of my biggest fears is that my child will be the same way and as a mother my only goal in life will be to vent about my child’s poor behavior every chance I get. I really don’t want to be that mother. I do want to be the mother that brags about how awesome and intelligent her kid is via facebook statuses or in person, but odds are my kids will be my life and I’ll drop all my friends and be a strict stay at home mom because I’ll have married rich so my contributing income is really unnecessary. Ah, the dream.

But seriously, I’m pretty sure that my stories about my kids will be far too honest for the non-parent or the too-involved parent. As a non-parent, overly honest parents make me nervous. Parents that say their kids are awful and openly discuss issues make me uncomfortable. I’m warning you all that sometime in the future that will be my main form of conversation. Forget the dog, it’s gonna be all about my terrible kids. You know who pees on my carpet? Little Joey does. Kid can’t control his bladder because he chooses not to. If my child is anything like my dog he’s going to be the problem child on the playground that wants to play with other children but is too physical and just knocks everyone over and makes them cry. Parents will give me dirty looks and shield their children from mine. I’m going to have to add wet food to his dry because he’s too picky and won’t eat what I make for dinner. He’ll look cutest when he’s sleeping and when he decides to wake up at 6 am I can’t ignore him like I do my dog because that is neglect. If our blog lasts for another 5-10 years get ready for mom posts. Thank GOD pregnancy is not a fear for the near future. Woo chosen abstinence! AKA single with no prospects.

No pregnancy 2014!


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