You Can Be The Slut, But Really Don’t Be The Shamer

As Simon alluded to in Saturday’s post, I’m going to discuss ‘slut shaming’. The argument eventually got settled (miscommunication) as I was defending my personal views on it but Corey was addressing slut shaming as a whole. This is what I wrote before we reached an agreement.

Slut shaming. A hotly discussed topic by the masses and Kram Comedy. If you’re new to the concept of ‘slut shaming’ then good for you! You’ve managed to stay hidden from female judgement in this particular area! Odds are you’re also oblivious to hashtags, every way to cook bacon and the new obsession with thigh gap. Pat yourself on the back! Okay, now take your hand and create a slut slapping motion with it. Kidding! Give her a thumbs up! She deserves to be free! Still not sure what slut shaming is? It’s basically when a girl is judged and made to feel guilty for various sexual acts that are deemed inappropriate by society therefore portraying her actions as “slutty”.

I do agree with the boys that no girl should be made to feel ashamed of her actions if she chooses to freely express her sexuality. By all means, express! That way, guys such as those in Kram, can reap the benefits of your openness. I myself have been free in this way and haven’t always lived to regret it, but in some instances I have.

As the only girl I find myself fighting a losing battle because my opinion becomes muted by the two male voices. I see their point, but they see mine as a hindrance to “get some” with minimal effort. The boys believe that if a girl wants to go home with a guy, either a stranger or a date, she should be able to without being judged. She should frolic guilt-free after her sexual encounters, unconcerned of what her friends think, or rather, what they’re not thinking. But in reality, most women judge. It’s a sad fact but it helps us cope. We each decide to judge women differently. Some choose poor parenting, others choose clothing style and some judge based on diet choices. There are reasons women are so concerned about others’ opinions. In the short run, they matter.

Peoples’ decisions are judged by those who are completely unaffected. Truth. Unless there is some ripple that hits your life your opinion is moot. Oh, Jessica hooked up with Tom last night. She had sex. She also had sex with Pete that same night. Gross. Time for an STD test, ya slut! If that’s who Jessica is, then let her be! Unless you’re sleeping with Tom or Pete, or maybe Jessica, then back off. If she’s happy with her decision and feels no remorse then either sit there with open ears as she recounts her previous sexcapades or kindly ask that she not repeat this to her and leave the room. Wipe your hands you’re done.

I don’t try to slut shame. In all honesty I’m jealous of girls that feel comfortable enough to be free with other people. I’m too self conscious about my lady parts to be with a new guy and do more than make out like thirteen-years-olds in their parent’s basement. Wild Saturday nights make great stories for an exciting Sunday brunch. I’m lucky to have friends that enjoy discussing their sexual endeavors whether they’re crazy and random or between committed partners. Either way, you should be comfortable with who you when are have sex or sticking things in dark places. That’s dependent on your personality. Unfortunately, I’ve found that some girls give away too much for the wrong reasons and that’s where I draw the line.

If you’re looking for a relationship: Let’s say you’re on a date and you’re looking for something real. Patti Stanger (Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker) believes sexual acts should only happen after monogamy. I don’t fully agree, but I do believe that first dates shouldn’t really end with a dick in your mouth. Some people say that’s what gets the girl a second date, but she should get that without having to do more than be herself. if sucking dick is part of her image, perhaps she’s the best dick-sucker this side of the Mason-Dixon line, then so be it, but it’s important to lead with personality rather than BJs. Listen ladies, if ti’s meant to be you’ll be going down on him for the rest of your life, why start right away? His penis will still be there on the second date. If it’s not you should start asking questions.

If you think it will make him like you: This reason is painful to accept but it happens more often than you think; Girls feel that the only way to impress a guy is by going further than she’s comfortable with to make him like her. Raise that confidence level and believe you can win him over without any kind of sexual acts. That goodbye blowie won’t create chemistry if there is none, no matter how many people told you it would. I stand by my opinion of the importance of first kisses. They’re extremely telling. BJ’s on the other hand, well, they let the guy know your skill level, but that can be improved. His need to receive oral pleasure from girls on the first date will not.  If he doesn’t like you for you then move on to the next guy who will. You’re worth the wait.

If you’re a people pleaser: He looks at you with those puppy dog eyes practically (but too proud to) begging for you to do things you don’t really want to do. But you want to make your date happy. You want to be a good date. I get it. What’s one handy down below? So you do it. You have respect for yourself. You don’t mind pleasing him at this small cost. Just remember, you don’t have to. He’ll survive. He’ll be sad, sure, but his penis won’t explode from lack of attention. That little guy will be getting plenty of attention after the date, believe me.

You feel pressured: No, no, no, no, no! There is NO pressure for you to do anything with a guy…or a girl for that matter! Comfort is key! If you are uncomfortable moving forward, walk away! You’ll regret it more if you stay and then the guilt will set in and the feeling of slut shaming starts. You don’t need to feel guilty for something you don’t want to do if you don’t do it. I get called a prude a lot. Am I? In some ways. Doesn’t mean I’m not comfortable with myself. Just means no one can pressure me into performing anything if I don’t want to. Own that! You’re your own person. Don’t make anyone force you to do anything. If the guy is being funny by saying “No means yes”…punch of him the nuts. And when he asks you to stop, punch of him again. Lesson learned.

All of these are poor reasons to give yourself up to a guy. Respect yourself and believe he has to earn it! It’s your body! They’re your goods and they’re worth more than dinner and a movie, even if it’s a great movie and dinner is somewhere other than Applebee’s. Make the guy earn you and all your skills. They’re whining because they  an’t just take a girl out and expect a favor in return.

Some may find it conservative or old school but I think it’s completely reasonable.

With that said, if you’re part of the population that is sexually free and enjoys sex and the like, then go for it! No judgement here. And those girls won’t feel judged because they don’t care. That’s the difference. If you don’t efel like you’re doing anything “wrong” then you won’t feel guilt and guilt is what powers slut shaming. Women feel ashamed because they think whatever happened was wrong – yes, a view society perpetuates – but just look at the porn story Belle Nox from Duke University. She doesn’t feel guilt because she loves what she does. Go for it girl!

All I’m saying is that there are circumstances in which girls can throw themselves on a guy for questionable reasons when they really don’t have to. Any opinions on the matter? If you’d like to share, please post a comment below or tweet us! We really do want to hear from you! All sides are welcome, from the judgers, to the judgees, the sluts to the shamers! Stories from all!

Don’t be afraid to be yourself 🙂

Toby

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One thought on “You Can Be The Slut, But Really Don’t Be The Shamer

  1. seriously? that’s wat girls think in those situations? thanks tobes, u just made this game a whole lot easier =)

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