Things Girls Think About When They’re Dating

Before:

I need a good outfit.

Something that shows off my cleavage…or maybe my ass.
Ass. I have small boobs.

Ugh I look hideous.

Let’s try and make your face presentable shall we?

Ahh I’m nervous! Better take some Pepto. Keep that stomach calm tonight.

Breathe, you’ll be fine.

Is there something else I should wear?

Ugh, I have nothing to wear!

Stop. Relax. What you’re wearing is fine.

I hope I like him.

I hope he likes me.

Psh, how could he not?

Well, duh, he just might not.

Whatever, free dinner.

Or marriage.

That escalated quickly.

During: 

I wonder how he thinks this is going?

Am I sweating? Do my armpits smell? Did I even put deodorant on?

I can see myself with this guy.

He’s fun, haven’t had fun in a while.

We have so much in common!!

Oh, except that. How does he not like “Friends”? …Deal breaker?

Please don’t bring up an ex-girlfriend…

I hope what I ordered wasn’t too expensive.

Easy on the drinks, girl, not trying to black out tonight.

Did he just make a joke?

Silence is normal. Silence is normal.

He finally went to the bathroom. Now I can check my phone. No new messages? Cool.

My turn. Walk sexy. Now stare at my ass like a good little boy.

Toilet paper on the shoe check…we’re good.

Maybe he’ll propose to me at this very restaurant since it was our first date.

Smile less, you’re scaring him.

Any noticeable flaws yet?
Stop. You have flaws, too.

He’s cute when he smiles.

We would look good together. I can see the wedding photos now…

Reel it back in, girl.

I don’t want to pay for half, but I will offer. Don’t take the bait…

Breathe check. Eh, could be worse.

I wonder if he’s a good kisser?

Kiss me, damn it!

After:

I hope he asks me out again.

Did he say if he was seeing other people?

Should I still see other people?

Gotta let my friends know how awesome that date was.

Yes, I like him.

When am I going to see him next?

Let me text him.

Ah! I shouldn’t have done that!

He answered!

Does it seem like he likes me via text?

Yes I want to plan date number two!

Oh, stay in? Does he want sex?

If that’s what he’s like then I don’t need to date him.

But he’s so sweet! He can’t be like that.

But he can.

And he can be a serial killer.

Stop. Relax. You’re young and having fun.

Go and don’t get killed.

 

Toby

 

 

 

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