Ahhh it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to respond to one of Toby’s posts to point out how ludicrous her point of view is and how it should be completely changed immediately. I’m not going to do that exactly, or at least not yet, but let’s see what we have to work with here.
So Toby wants to know specifically why guys lead girls on. Well isn’t that a little sexist? Actually it really isn’t since I’m sure if you took a poll of most of the guys you know asking how many times they’ve been led on they’d probably answer that every single girl they’ve ever known has led them on in one way or another. And if you asked them how many of their female friends find them attractive, they’d answer “they all want the d” then give you a face that you’d recognize as an unmistakable “duh.” It’s hard to take the claim seriously from most dudes so lets skip ’em for now
I’m not exactly apprised of the specific situation that prompted Toby to delve into this topic but as someone with a penis who has had some female relations in the past and whose opinion is surely better than most peoples’, lets see what potential answers we can come up with.
In case you forgot the question, it’s “why do men lead women on?”:
1. Maybe you’re not actually being led on– okay, yes, some guys do sometimes lead chicks on but how does the saying go that I just came up with? Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. Well that sounded much more original in my head. But yeah, just because you think you were led on doesn’t mean you actually were led on at all. Somewhat analogous to my paragraph making fun of how dudes think all chicks want them, maybe you think you were led on simply because you wanted to be. Not that you were trying to be led on and subsequently abandoned, just that maybe you were finding significance where there was none and attributing feelings to certain actions when there weren’t any. You liked the dude and maybe you liked him so much that you wanted to believe he liked you too so everything that he does is seen as a progression towards that end. Maybe the dude noticed this whole thing, realized it wasn’t what he was going for and bailed simply to avoid further mess. I’m not saying this is true for all cases but I think this could be the case more often than we think. If humans are good at nothing else it’s seeing what we want to see (even when contrary evidence is presented to us) so maybe that’s what’s happening in your specific case.
So what can you do? Be mindful of your interactions and really cue in on how the dude acts and the things he does. If one day you were picking out your future children’s names and the next he disappears like he gave up NSA secrets then yeah, maybe you were led on. You’re both nuts, but you as the chick have a stronger case. Is he just being kind of friendly and giving you attention since he probably doesn’t get all that much female attention? Assuming you know any of his friends does he treat you like one of those or super special? There’s a big truth that complicates everything I said in this paragraph, which brings me to my next point.
He’s trying to put the D in the V– you may not know this by now, but dudes enjoy getting laid. For many it’s their utmost priority and some would probably give up the next 11 meals and a fortnight of sleep if it meant they got to bang right now. They’d of course regret that deal .00001 seconds after blowing their load and realizing how much they wish this chick would make them a sandwich but hey, we’re not all that smart.
So dudes really like sex. Some chicks really like sex too but it seems like they’re not willing to go through the extreme measures that some dudes take in order to procure the shag. Or perhaps they simply don’t have to…….I’ll save that thought for another day. Anyway the fact of the matter is that many dudes will do and/or say pretty much anything in order to fuck whatever girl it is that they currently aren’t fucking. And here’s where the mess comes, from the chicka’s point of view. If you’re unaware I really hate to break this one to you, but some guys will even feign feelings in order to get you to allow him to stick his peen inside of one of your lady-holes. Jeez, who would do such a thing? As everyone knows, leading chicks on just to bang them was invented by Adolph Hitler so women’s hearts would still be broken long after the Third Reich was a thing of the past. Now that the history lesson is over, let’s relate this back to the original question.
Dudes sometimes lead chicks on just to bang them. I thought it would take longer to come to that conclusion. So yeah, if as a female you feel like you’re constantly being led on (not just making it up because you really, really want that relationship) then it’s probably because dudes are trying to bang you and you ain’t givin’ up the gooods. In everything people do there’s an at least subconscious assessment of risk vs. reward where we figure out how much we’re willing to put into an endeavor weighed against what we’re likely to get out of it. Applying this to our current problem, a good example would be that a dude may be willing to put in only a few text messages worth of work to try to nail down (heh) things with one chick whereas he might be willing to spend some time, say a few choice things or whatever and pretend to enjoy “Frozen” in order to get sex with another girl. Why? Well that depends. Maybe he doesn’t find the first chick all that attractive whereas the second might be right up his alley looks-wise. There could be a million other reasons, but that’s probably the most likely.
So you’ve been talking to a dude for awhile, things seem like they’re going nice and boom! He’s gone quicker than Malaysia Flight 370. There’s a solid chance he was just trying to get that d in and when you didn’t oblige in whatever time frame he came up with he peaced. It’s simply a matter of optimizing efficiency: the work he had to put in began to outweigh the banging of you. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses. This doesn’t mean he was never actually interested in you as a person, but as they say, eventually you gotta nut up or shut up. You didn’t nut up, so he shut up the budding “relationship,” or something like that. If I had to guess, this is probably what happened to you Tobes. I’ll get you some nutterbutters for next time so at least you can offer your manpanion a tasty treat while he isn’t getting yours, and just maybe he’ll appreciate the irony.
“What do you have to gain from this?”
The answer is probably nothing, which is why the big bounce happened in the first place. Sure, there are some guys that get their rocks off from getting chicks to fall for them then fleeing like a hippie avoiding the draft (oof that would have been timely a good 45 years ago) but those are the same idiots that brag about getting a phone number before buying six carbombs and two jay-moo’s. So no, there really isn’t anything to gain from leading a chick on except being able to retort “I could have banged her if I wanted to dude,” and then ordering six carbombs and two more jay-moo’s.
Where Toby goes wrong
The thing about people is sometimes they just change their mind. Yeah, it sucks that you were led on but it may be as innocuous as a change of heart. What are people supposed to do? If they wake up one day and they’re no longer feeling whatever “it” is just be like “sorry mate, I’m not longer feeling this” before they’ve even gotten to the stage of an actual relationship? Sorry to break it to you but nobody really owes anybody anything unless there’s some circumstance that changes that. If the dude you were talking to or whatever goes cold on the other end then unfortunately that’s just the way it is. Just because you’d like an explanation doesn’t mean you’re owed one, which is something that I think most people inherently wouldn’t agree with even if they say they do in their head after reading this. I get that it’s nice but a courtesy is just that.
If you feel like you’re being strung then take control of the damn situation. “Oh he’s just playing some games but I know how he really feels.” No, you’re a moron both for thinking that and putting up with “games.” If you’re a girl and you’re waiting around to be contacted then you’re stupid too. “Oh but he might think I’m a desperate bitch.” Well maybe you are, so if he thinks that then you’re right and if you aren’t desperate and he thinks that then he’s retarded but either way why would you want to be with this person? I’m a pretty big fan of doing what you want to do and not bending yourself to other people unless you want to so if you want to talk to the guy then do it, don’t just wait for him to see what’s going on with you at his convenience. If he’s not into it then he’ll let you know in some way (e.g. bouncing hard) but at least you’re not compromising your desires to try to appeal to someone who owes you nothing and who you owe nothing to. In male-female relationships people like to accuse the other party of playing games when things seem overly complicated or aren’t going their way but the best way to beat the game is to clear the board. If you feel like you’re being meddled with then speak up for yourself. A good “what the fuck” usually suffices. It may not work out but then at least you can say you didn’t put up with any shit. Eventually things will end all happily ever after and you’ll find just the right guy who doesn’t view your reaching out as desperation and loves even the smelliest of your shits but until that day stop being such a pushover.
Women like to put the onus on men and then complain when we don’t handle things the way they want to. Science shows men are inherently shittier communicators than women so if that’s your problem then try communicating. If the response you get is silence then that’s a pretty loud answer. Now you can move into the “but whyyyyy” stage but that’s stupid and I don’t care about that right now.
My last thought on this topic is that as much as people hate being rejected they also really dislike rejecting others, generally speaking. Most people are too big of pussies to do something that will hurt someone’s feelings directly so for them it’s better to just let the other person be hurt by their inaction. I didn’t murder that guy if I simply failed to pull the lever that would divert the train that ran over him! It’s not exactly their fault I suppose. Some people are actually kind of nice and generally want to avoid hurting others so they sometimes don’t do things that would be beneficial to a situation just because someone’s feelings might be hurt. I get that I guess and I’m sure that’s what happens in some instances.
Anyway, I guess all I have left to say is man up Toby
P.S. Comment if you agree, disagree, or even ambivalent. Please share, this is big stuff