No, Haters, Soccer Is Not Easy

The World Cup has inspired some real pieces of work to post their opinion on soccer…

This is my response to this article, I Don’t Appreciate Soccer and Here’s Why, by Roger “Dbag” Dorn.

Hey Roger Dorn, you’re a jackass. Your discustingly biased and inaccurate article depicting soccer as an easy sport to play was quite the read. I wish I’d realized how easy soccer was when I was 5, that way I could have avoided years of training and hard work and just played in the major leagues when I learned how to run as well as the next person. Yes, you need legs to play soccer. You also need hands to play baseball, and football and basketball. Are you also saying that those are just as easy? I am so stupid for thinking soccer was a difficult sport. I forgot that humans emerge from the womb already retaining the muscle memory to accurately shoot a ball on net or properly make a pass with control. My chest should just be able to gently trap a ball falling from the sky without it popping back or up popping a boob.

I’d like to hold you to your assumption that you could blend in on the field with the greats, that if you were passed the ball you’d be able to quickly pass it to someone else.
First, would you be in an open position to even receive a pass?
Do you know how to trap the ball (aka stop it at your foot without it bouncing off)?
Could you control the ball to set up a pass?
How would hand the pressure of an oncomoing defender?
Will you remember to pick your head up to see if there’s an open teammate?
Can you aim at said teammate?
Will your pass even reach that player?
Psh, will your pass even be near that player?

And that’s just part of what is involved in a “simple” pass. Soccer isn’t an easy sport, and it’s as if the only people that understand that are those that play. Help me understand why soccer players are given such a hard time over their sport? It takes endurance, control, understanding, practice = similar to other sports – yet it’s like the run of the litter, underestimated and under appreciated. But that’s mainly an American feeling. For some reasons, Americans have a tough time accepting soccer as an actual sport. Why don’t you guys all hop on that international bandwagon and realize soccer is everywhere? You know that crazy soccer tournament that’s happening in Brazil right now? The one that brings 32 countries together to play at one time in one place.  The one that’s called The World Cup? It’s kind of a big deal. Most countries would have killed you after this article. You’re lucky Americans are lazy. I’d love to send you, Roger Dorn, to Brazil right now with a megaphone and have you announce your feelings in a crowd of psychotic soccer fans. Also lucky for you, I’m poor and can’t do that, so this post is the best I can do.

Did writing that article help you at all therapeutically? Was there a point you so desperately needed to amke? Are you sad that soccer is more abotu skill than contact? Do the dramatic players really upset you that much? Do you think every soccer player fakes their injury? You can tell that to all my bruises, concussions, torn muscles and broken bones. I’m sorry no one picked you to play on their soccer team in gym. It’s not the worst they could have done.

Unless you have actually played soccer, why don’t you keep your opinions to yourself?

K, thanks.


GO USA!!! Watch tonight and cheer them onnnnn

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