Casual Dating Woes

Casual dating has become a serious part of my life here in Boston. I’ve become quite good at it, actually. I never understood how someone could date a few people at a time and not feel guilty. It always felt as if I was cheating on the first person even though there was no possible way I was. Monogamous Toby was denying other possibilities and putting all her eggs in one doomed-to-fail basket. I’ve since learned that it’s OK to go on multiple dates in a week and feel out your options. Unfortunately, not every guy you date is going to be “the one”, let alone a good one.

I’ve dated a fair number of guys in the past few months, some of which started great but then faded and others that never had a chance. I’ve dated Americans and Europeans, Christians and Jews, various races, and now I’m tired. My European left, the Americans have faded, I haven’t felt that spark with anyone yet, just waiting. But constantly meeting new people every weeks gets exhausting. Beginning conversations over and over again, trying to feel the other person out, getting to know them. Oy. I don’t mind talking to people, in fact it’s essential in all of my 3 jobs, but at this point I’d rather be talking to someone that already knows me. I want to share my day with someone that knows what I do, with someone that knows a ferret is NOT a lizard. I want to complain about my thesis with someone, someone that knows it’s NOT written in a day. I want to go out to eat with someone that understands I can love animals and also love eating them. Fun fact: just because I work with animals does not mean I’m a vegetarian. Giving up meat would be like giving up my soul. I need steak to survive. Fuck tofu. You’re not real.

I’ve got a few guys left to gamble on and then I’m cashing out. If none of them work I’m going back to leaving love up to chance. As a single girl, it’s wonderful to use a dating app and know that there are guys out there that like you, if not for your personality then at least for your looks. It’s a good sign you’re not hopeless. But I’ve always been a person that waits, never really a go-getter. So this was an easy way to “actively” seek out dates. It forces you to converse with strangers, get out of the house and experience part of life. For those of you who found your loves early, you missed out on dating. Yes, I’m complaining about it, but my married and practically married friends will never fully understand what it’s like to go on dates upon dates and sit through painful conversation or have a great experience with a total stranger. So yeah, there’s the positive. We’ll get long-lasting love eventually, but at least we got to complain about being single.

Maybe that’s partially why I’ve been so against the guys I’ve met. Sure, they haven’t been “the one”, but I haven’t seriously committed to anyone in over 3 years. Being single is funny. Casual dating gives you new stories to share. And let me tell you, my stories are endless. Well, okay, yes…there’s an end because I’m only 24, but I do have some great ones. Perhaps my good bad date stories will be in a later post… They’ve been a little dating heavy. I preemptively apologize for my post for Thursday. It will also be about dating. Maybe the boys should come back and write about other things, like video games, and movies…or their dating life.

Comment below or tweet the shit out of the boys to get them back to Kram! @simonlevit and @coreysstorynow … you can tweet me too. Love to hear your casual dating woes! @tobyjaye19

Someday (your) prince will come.
-Snow White(ish)

Toby

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